


In Between Love

by zillah37 (visionshadows)



Series: In Between Love [1]
Category: NSYNC, Popslash
Genre: M/M, break-up fic, make-up fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-01
Updated: 2013-02-18
Packaged: 2017-11-29 16:10:39
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 37
Words: 21,894
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/688885
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/visionshadows/pseuds/zillah37
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>the time spent in between love. this is my trickc epic love story. there's angst, love, and sequins.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. In Between Love: Onement 1

_Onement 1_

 

Chris fidgeted on his feet, moving back and forth from one to the other. JC didn't even notice, one hand pressed lightly to his lips as he stared at the huge red painting on the wall. Chris watched him for a moment to see if he was even breathing. Once he was sure that JC was still alive, he moved on to the next painting just so he could move. 

Chris tried not to groan at it but really, it was just the same as the one they had been standing in front of a moment before. The one that JC was still standing in front of with his hand at his mouth and his eyes sparkling with tears. 

_Tears?_

Chris sighed and walked back over, knowing the art museum drill. He looked over at Dre who just stepped forward and handed him a few tissues. 

Chris reached for JC's hand and put a tissue in it. JC started slightly and looked down at his hand for a moment and then at Chris. He sniffled and gestured at the painting, unable to speak. 

"Yeah, JC," Chris nodded, taking JC's glasses off for him and pushing his hand up towards his eyes. "I know. It's breathtaking and amazing and you feel so full of it's beauty that you can't take it. Wipe your eyes."

JC did as he was told and then looked back at the painting, squinting a little. Chris slipped JC's glasses back on and JC's face smoothed out. 

Chris stepped back and looked at the huge red painting again. He never understood what JC saw in things like this but it made JC happy. 

And that's what mattered to him.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/quiet.html)


	2. In Between Love: Quiet

## In Between Love: Quiet

###  [visionshadows](../../../users/visionshadows/pseuds/visionshadows)

### Work Text:

 

_Quiet_

 

JC left on a Tuesday morning. Chris got up first because really, he hadn't fallen asleep once all night, just spent the night memorizing JC. Part of him wanted to be petty and say that no, JC couldn't leave him. But the rest of him understood that keeping JC here, in their home, with him would hurt JC. And Chris never wanted to do that.

He showered slowly, washing his hair with JC's shampoo for the last time. He'd have to go buy some for himself because it was so much better for his hair than the crap he used, but JC would take it with him because JC loved that shampoo.

The bathroom was eerily silent when he got out of the shower. He wiped off a square of the mirror and looked at himself. Chris decided that he looked old and tired. He wrapped the towel tighter around his waist and walked out of the bathroom.

JC's luggage was sitting off to the side. They'd packed pretty much everything that JC would need the day before minus the stuff he would need this morning like the shampoo and his toothbrush even though he had a toothbrush at their place in LA but JC liked this one. Chris understood.

JC was moving by now and he gave Chris a small smile before going into the bathroom himself. Chris closed his eyes and let the wave of pain wash over himself before he moved again.

The downstairs was quiet because Tyler was still asleep and the pets had been sleeping in his part of the house for the last few days. Baron wasn't going with JC because they didn't want to separate him and Kariya. She was too used to having Baron there and she'd already lost Busta at this point.

Chris made coffee and sat at the kitchen table with his hands folded. JC came down to join him and sat across from Chris, sipping at his coffee and looking at the mat in front of him.

Dre was going to pick JC up because he was going to stay in LA with JC. Justin had Lonnie out there already so Dre was just going to stay in the place Lonnie had since JC was going to LA without a timeframe. It wasn't worth it for him to rent a place.

The doorbell rang and neither of them moved for a moment. It rang again, breaking the silence in the house. Chris stood up slowly, walked over the refrigerator and unclipped the plane tickets from the magnet that was holding them. He handed the tickets to JC, his hand shaking.

JC took them and leaned in to kiss Chris's cheek. Chris closed his eyes, pushing back tears, his hands in fists. He opened them again when JC turned to walk away. Chris followed him.

"You can always come back," said Chris softly as JC picked up his first bag. Dre had two in his hands already. "I want you to come back."

JC turned to face him, his lips in a tight line. He nodded a little. "I will."

Chris watched JC go, climbing into the car. Dre came back for the last bag, his face impassive. Chris grabbed his arm.

"Can youmaybe," Chris looked at the car again. "Can you stop and get him ice cream? It makes him feel better."

Dre put his hand on top of Chris's squeezing gently. "I will, Chris. Take care, man."

Chris nodded, his throat tight. "You too. Take care of him."

Dre just nodded once more before heading down the walk to the car. Chris stood in the doorway for a long time after they left, staring at the spot where the car had been. He finally came back inside, locking the door slowly behind him.

JC's coffee mug was still sitting on the table where he left it. Chris sat down in JC's chair and picked up the mug, drinking from it. He sat there in the quiet for a long time.

Chris jumped when a hand touched his shoulder. He looked up and saw Tyler standing there, a sad expression on his face.

"I guess he left?"

Chris nodded, clearing his throat. "I made coffee."

Tyler looked over at the coffee pot for a moment. "Are you staying here or are you moving out too?"

"Thisthis is my home," said Chris, his voice broken. "Do you want me to leave?"

"No!" said Tyler quickly, sitting down next to Chris. "I just didn't know what you were planning to do while JC wassince JC left you."

Chris opened his mouth to talk but no words came out. He shut his mouth and looked at the coffee mug. He didn't know what he was going to do now and he still didn't want to believe that JC left him. The only person around was Tyler and that scared him. He didn't want to talk to Tyler about this. He wanted Lance or Joey but Lance was in Russia and Joey was on a shoot.

"I think I'm going to go call Lance," said Chris quietly, standing up. His hands were shaking and he wasn't sure if his legs were going to support his weight but he stood anyway. "Can you make sure to turn off the coffee pot?"

"Of course," said Tyler, watching him with obvious pity in his eyes. Why wouldn't he, Chris thought. JC had left him here in their home because he couldn't be here with him. He couldn't deal with Chris anymore so now Chris was alone and JC's brother was here with him.

Chris walked out of the kitchen and back upstairs to their bedroom. The bedclothes were still rumpled and Chris just climbed back into bed, pressing his face into JC's pillow.

He slept.  
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/pr.html)


	3. In Between Love: Onement 1

_P.R.'s_

 

Chris ate at the same Mexican restaurant all the time. He was their favourite regular and they even kept dark German beer in stock when he wasn't on tour. He was a strange person and refused to eat tacos with plenty of hot sauce without a lukewarm German beer. 

Sometimes, when JC felt like it, he would come along with Chris and eat dinner at Chris's Mexican restaurant. It was actually closer to his home than Chris's but Chris didn't care. He said that he would travel across the world for one of their tacos. 

The host, Lester, knew Chris by name and always sat him at the same table in the back. It was a dark corner where Chris could see everyone but unless they were looking, they couldn't see Chris. 

Lester would clap Chris on the back and call him a rocquero and wave at the bartender to get one of Chris's beers. He would always look at JC oddly for a moment and then clap JC's back as well and call him "el novio rocquero de Chris!" 

JC always just smiled politely because he had no idea what Lester said and really, he wasn't even sure if Lester was Mexican. He looked much more Swedish than Mexican. 

"Margarita," Chris was already saying to their waitress, a beautiful girl named Maria. "Sugar, no salt. And he wants it frozen. If you've got those little umbrella things that would be great. And some cherries or something. I don't know. Garnishes." 

JC giggled a little when Maria left to go put that strange order in. "You make me sound like some sort of weirdo." 

"Well you are," said Chris fondly. "I just got us a double order of the usual." 

JC squeaked at the thought. The usual was the taco platter which had about fifteen tacos in it, filled to the brim with all the fixings and lots and lots of steak. Chris only wanted the steak tacos when they were here. And they were made with special salsa so they were super hot. 

"That's what the margarita's for, babe," Chris laughed at him, taking a drink of his dark beer, smacking his lips as he put it down. "Nice and warm the way it's supposed to be." 

JC made a face and licked at the rim of his margarita glass delicately, enjoying the taste of the sugar. He admired the garnishes they put on his glass, a couple of cherries and a twist of lime rind. The umbrella was brightly coloured. 

Dinner with Chris, when it was something as messy as tacos, was like watching some sort of wildlife show. He hated watching him but part of him couldn't make himself look away. He almost always envisioned Chris tearing into some dead gazelle with his bare hands. 

Chris slurped at his tacos, the meat and fillings spilling out onto his hands. He yelped a little and quickly shoved the rest of it into his mouth, his cheeks bulging with food. 

JC just laughed and handed him a clean napkin, his margarita glass sweating in his other hand. 

Up near the front, Lester was busy making the people who just walked through the door feel special. 

Chris's favourite Mexican restaurant was just that kind of place.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/sleep.html)


	4. In Between Love: Sleep

_Sleep_

 

JC slept curled up on his side the whole night. His legs were tucked up to his chest and one arm was between his thighs, the other under his head. He slept with his mouth open slightly, making soft sounds as he dreamed. Chris couldn't quite call it snoring but it wasn't exactly silent. 

Sometimes Chris would watch him sleep even though he knew that was more than a little bit strange to do. It was just that JC looked so happy and peaceful, his face smooth and unlined. He always had a small smile on his face as he slept. 

Chris would lay with his face really close to JC's, feeling his breath on his own cheek. When he was feeling old and sentimental, he would whisper things to him. He would tell JC stories about when he was a child, stories he could never tell when JC was awake because he knew that JC was too sensitive and even though he wanted to know this stuff, he would get upset hearing about it. This way Chris could tell him and JC wouldn't end up upset. 

Once, early in the relationship, JC had woken up and Chris had quickly closed his eyes, pretending to be asleep. He felt JC's hand come up and touch his cheek briefly. A moment later, lips touched his forehead and JC settled back in, curling up on himself again. 

Chris smiled.   
  
---  
  
[Next ](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/theory.html)


	5. In Between Love: Theory

_Theory_

 

"Chris is pulling away from me," said JC quietly over a mug of tea. "I'm not really sure what to do about it." 

Joey furrowed his brow. "I don't think he's pulling away from you." 

"I do." JC sipped his tea. 

"We're just really busy right now," said Joey easily. "Once things calm down and we go back on tour and stop doing all these events and promotions, things will be better again. You know that." 

JC pursued his lips, shrugging a little. He was pretty sure that Joey didn't understand what he was saying. "I think I'm pulling away from Chris."

"Oh." The word fell from Joey's mouth, heavy as it landed. There was no denying it like when he'd said Chris was pulling away from him. That meant they all saw it if Joey saw it. Joey tended to be oblivious. JC closed his eyes. 

"I don't know what to do about it," JC finally admitted, looking at Joey. "I don't know what to do." 

"Don't do anything," Joey said quickly. He didn't want to have this conversation, didn't want to think of them not being together. "Just wait and see how things go. Now is just a little crazy. That's all." 

JC looked at him for a moment, thinking that Joey still didn't understand him. But Joey's eyes were pleading with him and he didn't want to hurt Joey, not right now. He nodded slowly. 

"Okay." 

JC could hear the audible sigh of relief and he wondered when his relationship became so important to his friends.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/joker.html)


	6. In Between Love: Joker's Wild

_Joker's Wild_

 

During the Pop Odyssey tour, Chris played practical jokes on Anthony, their stage manager. Anthony took it well, playing jokes right back on Chris. They never let the practical jokes infiltrate the stage show. It was always backstage antics and on the bus antics. 

Anthony had the power to get on any of the buses whenever he wanted and on more than one occasion he had stolen all of Chris's underwear, leaving him with nothing but the pair he had on. 

Of course, that didn't really faze Chris and he just wore the same underwear until Anthony got tired of seeing him in them and gave it all back. Chris was cheap. He wouldn't buy new stuff and the others knew that as well. 

Really, it was JC who got tired of seeing Chris's grey and tattered underwear when they would get in bed at night. He pulled Anthony aside and _begged_ him to give Chris back his underwear. 

Anthony had reluctantly agreed after JC started describing exactly what it was like sleeping in bed with someone who wore the same underwear for weeks and weeks on end. Because Chris, in his weirdness, was proud of his underwear or lack thereof. 

And even Anthony couldn't have predicted that.  
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/hair.html)


	7. In Between Love: Hair

_Hair_

 

Chris cut his hair and JC grew his. Chris didn't really think that was fair because people told him that he shouldn't have longer hair. It didn't suit his features well even though as Chris pointed out, nothing suited his features because he had a weird face. One of their stylists then pointed out to him that at least he didn't have Lance's face. Chris had punched him and told him never to speak ill of the Lance. 

Chris would sink his fingers into JC's hair, sighing softly as he let the soft strands slid between his fingers. JC's hair made him happy and it made JC comfortable and relaxed. Chris really liked JC's hair. 

Britney really liked JC's hair too and Chris had come home more than once to find JC sitting on the couch with curlers in his hair and Britney kneeling in front of him giving him a pedicure. Chris never questioned it because JC really liked being beautiful now. It made him feel better. 

Chris tried to tell him whenever possible that he was beautiful because it made JC blush and duck his head and if they weren't in public, lean over and kiss Chris quickly on the lips. 

Chris had been taught well by his mother. He knew how to treat the person he loved, and since that had been JC for almost five years now, he really knew how to treat JC well. 

Chris bought JC shampoo and conditioner that smelled like apples.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/insecurity.html)

 


	8. In Between Love: Insecurity

_Insecurity_

 

Sometimes Chris wanted to strangle JC. He couldn't believe that he had to spend so much time with someone so spacey. It was moments like that when Chris couldn't believe that he actually dated JC Chasez, Nsync's resident space cadet. JC could just be so weird and Chris didn't know how to make him understand how annoying it was. 

Chris knew that he didn't always live on the same planet as the rest of the world but JC inhabited Planet Chasez more than he inhabited Planet Earth. He was flakey and forgetful and all he seemed to talk about these days was artwork and wine. 

JC didn't even notice when Chris stomped around the house and complained about the paint colour in the foyer. Usually that got JC all riled up but not this time. JC just continued to read a big, thick book about surrealism and sip a glass of "very fine Napa wine." 

Chris decided he didn't care about wine or artwork and stomped out of the house to go bother Joey. Maybe Joey could cheer him up with beer and porn. Joey was nice and lower class just like himself. 

"Now is not the best time," said Joey, yawning so wide Chris thought he was going to hurt himself. "Brianna is finally asleep for the first time since Tuesday, I think. I need to sleep too. Kelly's already sleeping without me. It's not fair." 

"C'mon," Chris cajoled him, holding up the video bag and beer. "I brought beer and porn." 

"Get out of my house, Kirkpatrick," Joey said, pointing at the front door. "I'll see you when I get a couple of hours of sleep. Go bother Justin." 

Chris pouted but left Joey's house because Joey had some sort of murderous glint in his eye and smelled vaguely of baby puke. Justin would watch porn with him and drink beer. Justin was always good for that. 

Except when Britney was home like she was today. Britney answered the door and immediately took Chris by the arm and dragged him inside, talking about flowers and wall hangings. Justin looked up at him from the couch, obviously miserable surrounded by carpet samples. 

Chris stayed long enough to make Britney yell at him for picking some horrible yellow rattan fabric for her curtains that Justin seemed to like for some reason. Chris honestly thought it was a hideous fabric but Justin was suddenly waxing poetic about the texture and the brilliant electric yellow colour. 

Chris escaped to Lance's house which was quiet and boring and all decorated in soft greys and neutral browns. Lance paid someone to come in and make it liveable. When he first moved in with Eric and Beth, the house looked like a frat house except without a frat. It turned out Eric was just a pig. 

Chris followed Lance around as he picked up Eric's underwear and socks from the living room floor, tossing them into the basket full of his own underwear and socks as well as Beth's. Lance loved to do laundry. 

"So how come you're here with me?" asked Lance as Chris followed him to the laundry room like a lost puppy. 

Chris knew better than to lie to Lance. He always saw through it. "Joey told me to leave because he was tired. And Justin was being forced to redecorate." 

"Joey's got a two-week old infant," repeated Lance, looking over at him. "And Justin has a girlfriend that sucks the life out of him. So how come you're not with JC?" 

Chris pouted and hopped onto the dryer. "We're not like, joined at the hip or anything. We can spend time apart." 

"In other words, JC is pissing you off," Lance said dryly. "Look, Chris. Instead of disappearing when he's upsetting you, tell him. It really does work." 

"He's not pissing me off," Chris grumbled, kicking his feet. "He's just nothe won't pay attention to me." 

Lance looked at Chris, furrowing his brow. "You're really upset about this aren't you?" 

Chris just shrugged, still kicking his feet against the dryer. 

Lance walked over, grabbing Chris's legs so he had to stop kicking. "You'll dent the dryer." 

"You can afford a new one." 

"It's not mine. It's Beth's," Lance looked at him. "You know this has nothing to do with you, right?" 

"I don't like modern art," Chris said, refusing to look up at Lance. "And wine makes me hurl." 

"Beer gives JC headaches and he hates Nascar," said Lance easily. "And he suffers through both for you." 

"JC says he likes Nascar." 

Lance looked at him, squeezing Chris's knees. "You know that's not true." 

Chris finally looked up at him. "I know. This is just so weird, Lance. He's not JC." 

Lance went back over to the washing machine, turning socks rightside out before tossing them in. He was quiet as he thought and that made Chris uncomfortable. He started to swing his feet again, careful not to actually hit the dryer though. 

"JC's never felt comfortable enough with himself to be able to explore new things," said Lance slowly. "We all know that JC's changed this past winter and maybe we're not used to it but it's not fair to just dismiss him because of it. Of all of us, JC's had the least chance to change. Just give him a break, Chris." 

Chris chewed on his lip. "What if he changes and decides that he doesn't want me?" 

Lance straightned up and looked at Chris seriously. "Do you really believe that will happen?" 

"I guess not," Chris frowned slightly. "Do you ever think that one day you'll change too much and Beth won't love you anymore?" 

"Well," Lance thought about it for a moment. "Beth and Ihell, I barely know why she loves me now. I'm a pain in the ass. Considering all the shit I've done that she's heard about and the stuff she's seen me do over the past few years, I'm really surprised that she's still with me." 

"I think we're all surprised she's still with you," said Chris. "Though we're still speculating how Eric fits in. Is it some kind of twisted threesome, Bass? Are you having kinky sex with your assistant and a college student?" 

Lance crossed his arms. "I think it's time for you to go talk to JC." 

"Aha! So that _is_ what's going on! You wouldn't brush me off like this if it wasn't," Chris said knowingly, struggling a little as Lance pulled him off the dryer. "Ow. OW!" 

"I'm not hurting you," said Lance, pushing him out of the laundry room. "Go bother someone else. Maybe Dani wants to talk to you." 

Chris pouted. "You don't love me?" 

"And here I thought you were _actually_ upset about this," Lance said, still pushing Chris towards the front door. "I was trying to be caring." 

"I _am_ upset," Chris protested, stopping. "I mean it, Lance. I just don't know how to deal with any of this. Can't you just let me make jokes and be annoying?" 

Lance sighed and crossed his arms, looking at Chris. "What kind of beer did you bring over?" 

Chris looked hopeful. "Sam Adams. And it's straight porn." 

"Fine," Lance rolled his eyes a little. "I got the TV in the basement fixed. Let's go down there." 

"Thank you, Lance," said Chris gratefully, already heading for the fridge where he stashed the beer and the porn. Lance watched him go, thinking he was going to blame Justin for this somehow. He couldn't blame Joey because Joey had a baby. All Justin had was Britney. 

Yup. It was all Justin's fault.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/babysitter.html)


	9. In Between Love: The Baby-Sitter's Club

_The Baby-Sitter's Club_

 

JC was Brianna's favourite baby-sitter and had been since the first time Joey finally let him baby-sit. She always got totally spoiled when she was with JC. Though, he had almost been taken off baby-sitting duty when he'd returned Brianna sheepishly one time without any curls left on her head. Kelly had freaked. JC just blamed Chris. 

Brianna had her own room at JC and Chris's house because as far as JC was concerned a child needs a space to call her own wherever she is. Chris decided it was just that JC wanted to decorate a room for a little girl. He ignored all the pink. 

Chris came home from a ride with Justin to find JC and Brianna crashed out on the couch, the room full of toys and crayons and pictures. They'd obviously had a busy morning. 

Brianna was sleeping on JC's chest, her thumb in her mouth and one of JC's hands on her small back. JC's hair was wild and crazy and he had a butterfly clip in it. Chris didn't even question that part of it. He just pulled a blanket over the two of them and started to straighten up the room. 

Brianna woke up first and Chris changed her diaper. She thanked him with a messy kiss, her brown eyes happy as he handed her a cookie and a bottle of apple juice. She toddled around the room, holding her bottle in one hand and clutching at couches as she walked. 

Chris watched her for a moment, thinking that maybe it would be nice to someday have a baby of his own wandering around his house. He grumbled a little and punched himself in the arm. 

"Stupid biological clock," he mumbled, kneeling over to pick up the popcorn off the ground. "Stupid popcorn." 

"Shit!" Brianna squealed happily, clapping her hands. Chris looked over at her and saw that the baby was pointing at Kariya who was at the back door. "Shit, shit, shit!" 

"No," said Chris patiently. "That's Kariya." 

JC rubbed at his eyes and rolled onto his side, looking at Chris and Brianna blearily. "She calls everything shit." 

"Fucking Timberlake," Chris sighed, leaning over to kiss JC lightly. "He's a bad influence on the kid." 

"Fuck!" 

JC groaned and smacked Chris lightly. "Now look what you did." 

"Oh no," Chris shook his head. "You can't blame me for that one. I bet she picked that up from Joey." 

Brianna giggled. "Daddy!" 

"See," Chris pointed at her. "She blames Daddy. You can blame Daddy too." 

"I think I blame Uncle Chris," said JC skeptically. "C'mere, Brianna." 

Brianna just looked at him with wide eyes and dumped a bucket of crayons over. 

Later on, when Brianna was napping peacefully in her princess bed with the princess sheets and comforter, holding onto her princess doll, in her room decorated with princesses, Chris made JC clean up the living room. JC threatened to tell Joey that Chris taught Brianna how to say fuck. Chris wasn't scared of that threat and threw a crayon at him. 

"Hey!" JC laughed, ducking easily. "You could put someone's eye out with that." 

"You have your glasses on," Chris stuck his tongue out at JC. "There's _crayon_ in my _carpet_." 

JC looked at him oddly. "Who are you and what have you done with my Chris?" 

"I like this carpet." 

Chris pouted and picked at the ground-up red crayon with one of his fingernails. JC reached out and pulled Chris close, running gentle fingers through his hair. He kissed the top of Chris's head and smiled a little. 

"You'll pick your own kids crayons out of this carpet too," JC said softly. "You'll be a great daddy, old man." 

Chris just breathed softly, knowing that JC was right.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/contracts.html)


	10. In Between Love: Contracts

_Contracts_

 

JC flipped through the papers, his forehead wrinkled as he read. The others were all quiet next to him, reading their own copies as well. Chris's free hand was on JC's thigh but neither of them really noticed that, busy with their own thoughts. 

JC shifted a little, leaning forward and picking up Chris's soda, taking a sip and making a face before putting it back down. He hated Sprite for some reason. It reminded him of when he was little and he was sick. His mom used to make him drink Sprite to settle his stomach. He always threw up when she did that. 

"I have a question about line 32," said Lance, his low voice breaking the silence. Anthony, Johnny, and Tim were sitting at the table as well, ready to answer any questions. All of them immediately flipped to line 32, waiting for Lance's question. "I thought that we agreed to get the costume budget down another $5,000?" 

Anthony and Tim turned to Johnny who just sighed and nodded a little. "Due to the fact we recently added another designer to the staff, the costume budget for the tour has gone back up to the original price. She wants to do something with sequins." 

" _Sequins_?" Justin said, putting down the contracts and looking at Johnny. "We need another $5,000 for sequins?" 

"You guys really use a lot of sequins," said Tim sagely. "That's kind of a low estimate anyway." 

"We don't even _wear_ sequins. Well, JC does but even he can't wear $5000 worth of sequins on a tour." 

Johnny cleared his throat and tapped a picture on the wall where Justin was wearing a lot of sequins on his shirt. Justin shut up. 

"I like sequins," JC said softly. "They're pretty." 

"Yes, dear," said Chris absently, patting JC's thigh. "$10,000 for duct tape!?!" 

"Don't get me started on how much duct tape we use on tour," said Anthony. "Just move on." 

"Is there anything else in the budget that you guys don't agree with?" asked Johnny, knowing that it was the petty little amounts that upset Lance and Chris the most and JC never really cared as long as he got the stage setup he wanted. Joey only cared when it was his ideas in question and Justin, well Justin liked to argue about everything because he could. 

JC reached down and squeezed Chris's hand hard, making him shut up about whatever was coming next and since he could see the page Chris was on he knew it was something to do with chair tips and the amount of money being spent on them. 

Chris pouted but sat back, not saying anything. JC patted his hand and gave him a little smile. Lance opened his mouth to say something but JC gave him a look as well and Lance closed his mouth. Chair tips just weren't that important to fight about. 

"So we're done?" 

Justin held up a hand. "I really don't like the implication that I wear a lot of sequins. That was totally a fluke and I didn't know those were sequins. I have a reputation to maintain." 

"Justin," said Joey calmly. "Shut up." 

Justin shut up.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/discovery.html)


	11. In Between Love: Discovery

_Discovery_

 

Joey pounded on the door, his fist balled up. He waited a moment longer before doing it again. Nothing. Finally, he just opened the door using the key and his code. He didn't want to just walk in on Chris when he was like this but it had to be done. 

"Why didn't you tell me?" Joey demanded, his hands on his hips as he glared at Chris. 

Chris looked up at him from his drawing pad. JC's art supplies were everywhere and the house was fairly messy in general. Chris had paint in his hair and it looked like he'd been painting with his fingers because there were streaks of white and blue under his eyes. 

"When did you get back in town?" 

"Four days ago. I've called at least twice a day since then. Tyler keeps telling me that you and JC are busy but then I find out that JC is in LA from Justin. Things aren't adding up here and Justin and I finally realized that all of JC's things are in the house in LA and you've dropped off the face of the Earth and Tyler is lying to me. Fucking Tyler. You know he's a fucking awful liar, Chris. You should have just lied to me yourself. That's less insulting than using JC's brother to cover for the two of you." 

"We decided not to tell anyone right now," said Chris calmly. "It was our decision to make, Joey." 

Joey sat down heavily, seething silently for a few minutes. He looked at the paintings in the room, at the papers strewn around. So many of them looked like JC that he felt like shit for even getting mad at Chris for not telling him. Chris was really not taking this well. His calmness should have been the first sign. 

"When did he do it?" Joey sat forward, touching Chris's shoulder. 

Chris tensed at the touch, looking over at Joey briefly. "Two weeks ago. He moved to LA the next day. He'll be back when he's ready. He said he would be. He didn't really leave me." 

"Oh," Joey understood Chris's calmness now. He wasn't dealing with this, wasn't believing what was right in front of his face. "Chris?" 

"I'm really starting to understand this painting thing," said Chris, gesturing at the room. "I've been reading some of JC's books too and they're actually really interesting. I totally understand why he's so fascinated by it now. It's such a pure form of expression just like music is. That's why JC loves it. I understand now." 

"Have you talked to JC?" Joey's voice was heavy, sad. He'd never seen Chris like this before. Chris was a realist, always had been but now he was so far in denial Joey wasn't sure he even realized he was in denial. 

"Oh yeah," Chris nodded. "We talk everyday. Usually around bedtime. He tells me about his day and I tell him about mine. I send him his underwear and socks every week so he has new ones. Actually I send them to Bobbie and she gives them to him. I still don't understand that but he feels better that way so he can have the new socks and underwear. I never have to wash underwear living with him. Well, I wash mine and Tyler's and then pass JC's old socks onto Tyler and I wear them sometimes too." Chris lifted one foot, showing off a pair of plain white socks. "These are JC's." 

Joey stood up and took Chris's arm, standing him up. Chris had obviously lost a lot of weight in the past two weeks, his pants hanging off his hips. Chris just looked at him stupidly. 

Joey didn't say anything, just wrapped his arms around Chris and hugged him tightly, refusing to let go. He finally felt Chris's body sag in his arms and then hot tears soaking his shirt as Chris sobbed silently. 

Joey had never felt like more of an asshole in his whole life as he did with his best friend sobbing in his arms because his heart was broken. For a moment he irrationally hated JC for doing this to Chris but he understood at the same time. He, unlike Chris, knew it had been coming. 

Joey should have said something.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/laundry.html)


	12. In Between Love: Laundry

_Laundry_

 

Chris did the laundry because JC was completely unable to figure out what type of fabric his pants were and most of the time he forgot when he had permanent press in the dryer. JC would fold clothes and iron though, so it was okay with Chris. 

They tried to keep a schedule when they were home and every Thursday they did laundry. Between the two of them, it took almost all day because Chris refused to wash delicates with regular clothing. Plus JC had so many clothes that just weren't machine washable so Chris had to either hand wash them or use those dry-cleaning bags. 

"Give me _all_ of your leather pants, JC!" Chris called from the laundry room. "And don't hide the red ones in the back of the closet again! I'm taking them to the cleaners whether you like it or not." 

JC pouted, gathering up his leather pants. He petted the red ones before laying them on top of the pile. He knew that he wasn't going to see any of them for at least a week now. Their cleaners were very good with leather but they took their time because of that. 

Chris bounded back up the steps, a dryer sheet hanging out of his back pocket. He looked at the pile of leather on the bed and then at the piles of dirty clothing on the floor. He shook his head and dove into one pile, coming up with a pair of leather pants JC had been trying to hide. JC pouted. 

"Thought you could slip it by me, didn't you?" Chris said, tossing the worn black leather pants on the pile. "They'll be back in a week, Jayce. You can wear jeans and stuff until then." 

JC huffed and sat on the bed. The room smelled like dirty clothes. It was making him feel very unhappy. He picked at the ancient sweatpants he had on because Chris made him wear them on laundry day, saying that all the good clothes had to be washed. 

"Oh don't do that," Chris groaned, sitting down next to him. "They really need to be washed. You do this every week to me and they just get dirtier and dirtier. Just think how nice it'll be to have a pair of nice, clean, happy leather pants next week. And you'll have ten pairs of nice, clean, happy leather pants next week." 

JC sniffed a little and looked at Chris morosely. Chris groaned and rummaged through the leather pants, pulling out a pair of plain black ones with leather lacing on the front and handing them to JC. 

"I'm taking them to the cleaners next week." 

JC smiled happily and threw his arms around Chris's neck, hugging him tightly. "You're the best. And you smell like fabric softener." 

"Baron knocked over the container," said Chris, his hands on JC's back. "Spilled it all over a pile of clean clothes I was going to bring up for you to iron and put away."

"So I'm off the hook?" asked JC, trying not to let his excitement show. 

"For now," Chris said reluctantly, turning to kiss JC lightly. "Just please don't disappear into the studio. I am going to need you when the next load is done. It should be about 45 minutes or so." 

"I promise I'll be here to iron," said JC, smiling. "I'm going to take the dogs for a walk. Where are the pugs?" 

"Either in the laundry or in the basement. I sent Baron outside to go swim in the pool to clean off the fabric softener." 

"Oh," JC's face fell a little. "I think I'll pass on walking him. I'll just take the pugs. We'll have fun." 

"You do that," said Chris, smiling at him. He got up and grabbed the laundry basket, throwing in one of the piles of clothing. "I'll see you when you get back." 

JC looked at the clothing on the ground, finally deciding to grab an old sweater of Chris's that was already slated to be put in the laundry. Chris just rolled his eyes and watched JC practically run out of the room. 

JC hated laundry day which was exactly why Chris made him help.   
  
---  
  
[Next](concentration.htm)


	13. In Between Love: Concentration

_Concentration_

 

Chris leaned back against the glass, tired and ready for a break. Wade was wandering around the room, making comments to each of them privately. He was currently talking to Lance, probably about the fact he missed a portion of Pop. Chris was just silently waiting for his turn so he could snark at Wade about his fucking knees and he'll do the fucking move in concert when he absolutely has to. 

JC just kept dancing, his hands tucked against his waistband as he rolled his hips. He moved with a grace that Chris just didn't have anymore, never had really. Sometimes he was amazed by JC's body and the way it moved; on the dance floor and off. Mostly he was still really amazed that JC let him touch his body. 

JC finally stopped, reaching for a towel and rubbing it through his hair. He gave Chris a crooked smile and moved to stand next to him, watching Lance nod slowly, his head down as Wade talked to him. Lance was getting much better but he still took criticism about his dancing to heart. 

"I'm going to do another run-through," JC said, handing Chris his towel. Chris nodded and tucked it into his pocket, next to his own. "Count for me." 

Chris tapped his foot for a moment before counting out the beats for JC out loud. Next to them, Joey moved forward and waited patiently for Chris to say four, both of them hearing the music in their heads. 

"Four," said Chris, stepping back and watching JC and Joey start dancing. They moved in tandem, JC's movements much more fluid than Joey's. "Joey, you're behind." 

Joey just shrugged and stopped dancing, leaning against the mirror next to Chris. They both watched JC as he moved through the whole dance without even noticing that Joey wasn't dancing anymore. 

Joey leaned in when JC dropped to the ground and did the floor hump. "You're a lucky man, Kirkpatrick." 

Chris shoved Joey but shrugged his agreement. He was a lucky man.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/home.html)


	14. In Between Love: Home

_Home_

 

The tour ended the last week of April and they all went home. Ahead of them was at least an eight month hiatus. To JC it loomed in front of him like a dark road. He hated not knowing what was coming next. 

Chris kept suggesting that he go into the studio for himself, make his own solo album. JC never really answered him, just wondered why Chris thought that would make him happy. Never, in all the years he'd known Chris had he mentioned wanting to do a solo album while the group was still together. Nsync was his life.

So for now, he and Chris were at home together. They spent the first few days cleaning up the two houses, making Chris's livable again since it was nice to have a place to go to if Tyler was bringing friends home. 

The first few days were great. Then things changed again and JC watched Chris from across the room, under his eyelashes because he was supposed to be reading and not paying attention to Chris because that's what Chris thought was going on. Mostly, JC never stopped watching Chris as he fidgeted and straightened things and scrubbed the top of Baron's head with his palm. Chris never looked over at JC to see if he was watching. 

They went through life like this for four days and then Joey brought Brianna over so he and Kelly could have a day to themselves. They were good that day and JC kissed the top of Chris's head and called him an 'old man' fondly like he used to. They had sex that night, quietly because Brianna was only a few doors away. 

They hosted a show together and JC snapped at some girl for squeezing his ass and Chris just laughed at him later that night in their hotel room. JC got angry and slammed the door in Chris's face and made him sleep on the couch. 

JC went home right after that and Chris went to New Jersey of all places and didn't call JC once. They lied to their friends and said everything was fine because they didn't want Lance to get upset while he was so far away. 

Chris came home and apologized and they both decided to just take each day at a time and not let the other person annoy them so much. They went to see Norah Jones and JC was so happy for a few days. Chris was just happy to see JC happy. 

Chris accidentally moved a couple of JC's canvases to the garage, thinking they were finished and he was helping JC by storing them somewhere. That wasn't the case and they ended up fighting because JC accused Chris of not listening to him and Chris accused JC of shutting him out. 

JC went to LA for a few days to hang with Justin, meet Justin's new boyfriend who was the complete and total opposite of Britney which was exactly what he needed, and just take a break from Chris. What Chris didn't know was that JC was getting the house in LA ready to be lived in. Chris called him everyday and they talked and things seemed fine. 

It took JC three days of being home to tell Chris he was leaving, that they were over. 

Chris never knew it was coming.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/beginning.html)


	15. In Between Love: In the Beginning

_In the Beginning_

 

The first time JC kissed Chris, he thought the world was going to end. He had no idea why he leaned over and kissed Chris, why he felt that a) Chris would be interested in being kissed by one of his male friends; and b) that he was interested in being kissed by JC specifically. 

Chris had just sat there, his mouth open. He brought up a finger to touch his lips before looking over at JC who was bright red and playing with the napkin. 

"You kissed me."

JC nodded a little.

" _You_ kissed _me_." 

JC turned an even brighter red, wishing that someone else was awake and around. Someone like Justin who could easily diffuse this situation by knuckling Chris on the head and tugging at his braids. But no. Only he and Chris were awake because it was four in the morning and they were bored and lonely and they had a night off but they couldn't figure out what to do so they just sat around in their room and watched bad German porn. 

JC was starting to think that watching bad German porn with Chris was not the best idea he had tonight. Kissing Chris after watching bad German porn was definitely not the best idea he had tonight. 

"Wait," said Chris slowly. "You kissed me. On the lips. With tongue." 

"Maybe we should just go to bed and forget this ever happened," said JC, standing up slowly and tugging at his pants. "Sorry." 

"No," Chris grabbed JC's arm, pulling him close. "Don't go." 

JC looked at him, biting at his lower lip. He was scared of what Chris was going to say and do but he knew that deep down inside, Chris wasn't going to hurt him for kissing him. He might yell a little. 

Chris tugged JC down and looked at him for a moment before closing the distance between them and kissing him. JC collapsed back into his chair, his body weak from nervousness as Chris kissed him. 

Chris pulled back and looked at him, his dark eyes serious. JC didn't wait for him to say anything else and just kissed him again, one hand coming up to rest on the back of Chris's neck. 

Apparently the world wasn't going to end.  
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/smoke.html)


	16. In Between Love: Smoke

_Smoke_

 

JC wanted to see Norah Jones but not when she was opening for either the Indigo Girls or Dave Matthews. Chris was a little bummed about that because he would have loved to see the Indigo Girls at the same time but he agreed to tag along with JC to a Norah Jones show. 

The venue was small and cozy and no one gave them a second glance when they walked through the room to the side, holding hands. JC settled on a stool, his smile wide and open. Chris sat behind him, one hand on JC's waist as he leaned against the table. 

Norah wasn't exactly Chris's type of music but he knew that JC was beyond excited. He could feel JC's body humming from excitement. 

"I'm going to go get us a drink," Chris murmured in JC's ear, pressing his hand to JC's side before sliding off his own stool. It was in between songs and he caught JC's smile in his direction before Norah began playing again and JC was again lost in the music. Chris leaned against the bar. "Can I get a vodka and cranberry and a rum and coke?" 

Chris turned to watch JC, smiling a little at the sight of JC with his eyes closed, listening to the music happily. He'd go to a million shows that he couldn't stand just to see JC like this. 

The glasses were cold in his hands as he walked back to JC, sitting down behind him again and putting his rum and coke in his hand. JC startled a little and leaned back against Chris, closing his eyes again and sipping his drink through the straw. Chris reached up and brushed JC's hair aside, kissing the back of his neck. He slid an arm around JC's waist and took a drink of his vodka. 

Norah wasn't half bad.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/talk.html)


	17. In Between Love: Talk

_Talk_

 

JC sipped on a cup of herbal tea, his headphones on his ears as he hunched over a book in the small café. LA wasn't his favourite place to be but he wasn't ready to go home and he knew that Chris wasn't ready to have him home. They talked every day though, and JC was sure that Chris was actually okay. He used Tyler to confirm that and even though Tyler was less than forthcoming at times, he was at least honest about how Chris was. 

He looked at the watch on his wrist, squinting a little because his contacts weren't the right prescription. Chris was the one who always remembered things like eye doctors and dentist appointments. JC always forgot them and now he was paying for it because Chris wasn't reminding him that he had to go. 

Bobbie sat down across from him, tapping her fingers on the book until he took the headphones off and gave her a sunny smile. She leaned over and pecked his cheek, wary of cameras but not really caring. She spent three years next to him as his beard. She lasted even longer than Dani did. 

"I brought you some presents," said Bobbie. "You really need to tell Chris it's okay to have your clothing delivered to your house. My landlord is starting to think it's really weird that I get men's underwear and socks delivered to my apartment every week." 

JC sighed and took the bag from Bobbie. "I can actually buy my own underwear. I did at home too. I guess Chris conveniently forgets that." 

"I think in some way he's just trying to show that he cares," Bobbie reached for his tea, taking a sip. "You're the only real relationship he's ever had. He doesn't know what to do to win you back." 

"He doesn't have to _do_ anything," JC sighed, frustrated. "I don't know if I can go back to him. I love him more than anything, Bobbie, but I don't know if that's what my life is meant to be." 

"Five years," said Bobbie calmly. "I watched the two of you for three of them and there's nothing I am more sure of than that you are meant to be with Chris. Take the time you want to figure out what's going on in your head, JC, but don't decide now if you can or cannot live with him for the rest of your life." 

"But" 

Bobbie cut him off with the lift of one perfectly manicured finger. He shut his mouth and just nodded. Bobbie was usually right about stuff like this which was why she was the only person who knew that he'd left Chris. Even Chris agreed that Justin, Joey, and Lance weren't ready to hear the truth. 

"Come over for dinner tonight," said Bobbie, standing up again. "I'm making that vegetarian lasagna you like so much." 

JC nodded a little, picking up his headphones again and turning them in his hands. She touched his curls lightly, stroking briefly. He closed his eyes, slipping the headphones back on, tucking the bag of socks and underwear under his chair. Justin's voice filled his ears, soft and tentative, just him and a guitar, explaining the music in his head in between songs. 

JC opened his eyes and watched Bobbie walk away.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/morning.html)


	18. In Between Love: Morning

_Morning_

 

"Get up, Chris," JC said, standing over him, his arms crossed. "We have to leave in fifteen minutes." 

"No we don't," Chris mumbled into the pillow, curling up even more. "It's early." 

"Yes it is early," said JC, his voice tight. "We have a flight to catch in two hours and we have to be at the airport in half an hour which means we have to leave in fifteen minutes when Lonnie gets here. We cannot be late." 

Chris lifted his head and looked at JC. "You're mad." 

"What gave you the fucking clue?" Chris sat up and patted the bed. "What happened?" 

JC just tightened his jaw more. "Get. Moving. Christopher."

"Whoa," Chris held up his hands and got out of bed. "Apparently I did something. You want to fill me in so I can start on the apologizing and groveling portion of the fight?" 

JC just turned and walked out of the bedroom. Chris sighed and threw on some clothes. He was all packed because he made sure of that last night. JC was forgetful about packing and it was up to Chris to remind him. Chris looked around the bedroom, making sure everything was as it should be. 

Bed unmade. Lube on dresser. Clothes in pile on floor. Yup. Everything was as it should be. 

Chris headed downstairs, finding JC on the couch, petting Baron. He sat down next to him and reached out his hand to Baron, scrubbing his fingers over the dog's big head. 

"I really don't know what I did," said Chris honestly. "But whatever it was, I'm sorry."

JC nodded a little, getting up and walking away from Chris. Baron barked once and pushed his head against Chris's hand. 

"It's not me, is it?" Chris said, slowly catching on. "Did you talk to your mother this morning or something?" 

JC slumped a little and Chris knew it was that. "Don't listen to her, JC. She doesn't know you very well anymore." 

"She's my mother," said JC slowly. "That's my fault." 

Chris gritted his teeth. He knew that JC wasn't going to listen to him about this. He never did. He just took everything that Karen said to him, absorbed it, and snapped at everyone for a day or so before he put it aside. Chris had gone as far as calling Karen and asking her to just be nice to her son for once. Karen had ignored that request. Roy had just apologized for her as always. Chris thought that JC's father needed to grow some balls personally but he never said that to JC. 

"Lonnie's here," said JC softly, looking out the window. He grabbed his suitcase and looked over at Chris. "C'mon." 

Chris sighed and got up, grabbing his suitcase as well. He waved goodbye to the pets that crowded around the door. He knew that Lynn would take good care of them but he still hated leaving them behind. 

Lonnie took their bags and threw them in the back of the limo. He nodded a little, waiting for JC to get inside before pulling Chris aside. 

"He okay?" Lonnie's voice rumbled a little as he whispered and Chris was again reminded that Lonnie was about five times his size. 

Chris shrugged a little. "Talked to his mother this morning. It'll pass like always." 

Lonnie nodded. "Should we stop for ice cream before I go to Joey's to get him? I know it's early but that seems to help." 

Chris smiled, shaking his head. "We'll get him ice cream later. I think he just needs to mope for now. Let's go get the others and get on the stupid plane," he squeezed Lonnie's shoulder. "Thanks, man." 

"Just doing my job." Lonnie said to him seriously. 

"It's more than that." Chris got into the limo, sliding up next to JC who looked at him for a moment before sniffling and wrapping himself around Chris. Lonnie shut the door and Chris wrapped his arms around JC comfortingly. 

"I'm okay," said JC weakly, his voice muffled by Chris's sweatshirt. "I really am. I just called to say hi and tell her that we'll be in Chicago next week if she wanted to see me. She really doesn't. But I think Dad does. So I'll call again later when he's home." 

"Did you tell her that I won't be there?" asked Chris gently, knowing that he was one of Karen's biggest problems with her son. 

JC shook his head. "She didn't ask." 

Chris sighed and rubbed JC's back. "Okay. Just spend some time with your father then. Don't dwell on this right now." 

JC was quiet but he nodded, his hands clutching at Chris's sweatshirt. Chris knew better than to push things so he just held JC close and waited until the limo stopped and Joey climbed in, carrying a carrot in one hand and a half-open bag in another. 

"Morning, kids," Joey said, tossing his bag across the seat. The contents spilled out and Chris just looked at the porno mags all over the place and groaned. Joey took a big bite of his carrot. "How's everyone this fine morning?" 

"JC and Karen had a chat this morning," said Chris dryly. "So how's your morning been?" 

"Eee," Joey made a face, the carrot in his mouth. He began to put away his magazines, flipping through a few along the way. "Should we stop for ice cream?" 

"Nah," Chris shook his head, looking down at JC. "He's asleep anyway. Just warning you, I guess. He's grumpy." 

"We'll stay out of his way," Joey promised, pulling out a copy of Hustler. "Check out the centerfold. She kinda looks like Britney." 

That was enough to peek Chris's interest and he leaned forward, thinking that so many mornings had passed like this: looking at porn with Joey while JC napped on him. 

Chris kind of liked that routine.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/birthday.html)


	19. In Between Love: Birthday

_Birthday_

 

When JC turned 21, Chris took him out to a gay club much to Lou's chagrin. Joey, Justin, and Lance had a couple of shots with them before they headed out, celebrating as best they could. JC kissed each of them and followed Chris out of the house with a wave. 

They took a cab and Chris held JC's hand the whole time. They had never been able to really go out together like this. Chris was the only one who was legal when they got back to America so JC turning 21 made him very happy. 

The club was dark and JC happily showed off his new ID and was waved inside, one arm snaked around Chris's waist. Chris tugged him closer, letting people know that JC was his. JC just bounced through the crowd, heading towards the bar. 

"We need to do a shot!" Chris shouted in his ear over the music. "Tradition, man!" 

JC just leaned against Chris and nodded, his cheek pressed to Chris's shoulder. Chris ordered two shots of tequila, complete with lime and salt. He turned to JC with a grin. 

"Tilt your head," Chris instructed and JC did as he was told, laughing as Chris licked a strip down his neck, shaking some salt on it. JC held himself perfectly still, watching as Chris held up the shot. "Happy birthday, man." 

JC shivered as Chris's tongue traveled along his neck, slowly, licking up every bit of salt before he tossed back the shot, sucking the lime into his mouth. JC opened his eyes and pulled Chris into a long, deep kiss, tasting the alcohol on Chris's tongue. 

Chris laughed as they finally pulled apart, handing JC his. "Your turn, birthday boy." 

JC looked at Chris for a moment before picking up Chris's hand and sucking a finger into his mouth, wetting it thoroughly. He held Chris's hand still and shook salt on it, smiling the whole time. Chris swallowed thickly. 

JC sucked Chris's finger into his mouth again, wincing a little at the salt. He quickly did the shot, sucking the lime into his mouth as well, pressing up against Chris. The hand holding the empty shot glass was draped over Chris's shoulder and he smiled, wide and happy at Chris. 

"Happy birthday to me." 

Chris chuckled and pressed a hand to the small of JC's back, making JC fall against him. He rolled his hips a little and grinned, capturing JC's lips in another kiss. He thought it was great that they could do this right now, go out and make out in public because no one knew them from the wall in America. It made things easier. 

"You wanna dance, birthday boy?" Chris asked, sucking JC's earlobe into his mouth, biting down lightly. JC shuddered and nodded, his hips already swaying to the music. 

The reason Chris brought JC to a gay club was so they could dance together. And as JC pressed up against Chris, his body moving and shimmying against Chris, he knew it was definitely the right idea. 

Chris watched JC dancing, his eyes closed and his body encased in tight jeans and a black shirt that clung to him like a second skin. The lights glowed and flashed and Chris watched JC move to the music. Part of him wanted to watch forever. A much larger, louder part wanted to take JC home and fuck him until he couldn't walk but he decided not to listen. For now. 

JC opened his eyes and moved closer to Chris again, one hand on his back and the other on Chris's chest, palming a nipple. He leaned in and nipped at Chris's lips playfully. 

"I'm having a great birthday," JC said, smiling at him. "Let's go home and have sex now." 

"What?" Chris said, his hands low on JC's hips which were still moving. "You don't want the 'I drank till I puked' 21st birthday story?" 

"I'd rather have the 'my boyfriend fucked me till dawn' story," JC said, licking at Chris's lips. "How about it?" 

"I think I can arrange that," Chris kissed him deeply, one hand on JC's ass. "Let's get out of here." 

JC turned and dragged Chris off the dance floor, Chris grinning the whole way. 

JC always told everyone that he had a great 21st birthday but he would never tell them why. Everyone needs a few secrets.  
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/phone.html)


	20. In Between Love: Phone

_Phone_

 

The phone rang while JC was still half-asleep and Chris was in the bathroom. Normally JC wouldn't even answer it but he was worried about Justin since he had just broken up with Britney about a week before. Justin wasn't taking it very well even though he was the one who broke up with her. 

He rolled over and mumbled into the phone, opening both eyes when he heard Dani's voice instead asking for Chris. 

"Chris," JC called out absently, his hand over the receiver. "Dani's on the phone. She wants to talk to you. She said it's important." 

Chris poked his head out of the bathroom, a towel wrapped around his waist, his hair still dripping. 

"I'm grooming the horns," said Chris, pouting. "Is it absolutely important I talk to her right now?" 

"Is it really important, Dani?" asked JC, twirling a lock of hair around his finger. He watched as Chris ducked back into the bathroom. He nodded a little, putting his hand over the receiver again. "She says it's really, really important." 

"Okay," Chris grumbled, putting down the scissors and coming into the bedroom, sitting on the bed, his towel falling open a little. He took the phone from JC. "Hey, Dani. What's up?" 

JC went back to the book he had fallen asleep reading the night before, half-watching Chris the whole time. Chris was silent, his face deathly pale. He frowned, putting the book down and moving closer to Chris, putting a hand on one damp shoulder. 

"Chris?" 

Chris just shook his head, turning and grabbing onto JC, hugging him hard. And crying. JC put his hand on Chris's back, taking the phone from him. 

"Dani? Are you still there?" 

"Yeah," Dani sighed heavily, her voice tight. "Look, JC. Take care of him, okay." 

"What happened, Dani?" JC hugged Chris closer, feeling the silent shudders pass through him. Chris's fingernails were digging into his back but JC didn't complain. 

"Busta was attacked this morning," Dani's voice caught. "We went out for a walk and he got into a fight with another dog. And. He. He died, JC. Busta's dead." 

JC gasped, suddenly understanding why Chris, who never cried, was sobbing silently in his arms. "II gotta go, Dani." 

He hung up the phone quickly and just tugged Chris closer to him, rocking him gently. JC didn't know what to say so he didn't say anything, just held Chris and tried to comfort as best as he could. Busta and Kariya were Chris's dogs, no questions about that, but JC had them in his life just as much as Chris did. He had gone with Chris to get both of them, watched as Chris's eyes lit up because he was finally able for the first time in his life to have a dog. 

Busta had been Chris's surrogate child really. He treated him like a kid more than a dog, giving him everything any pet could want and more. Busta even had his own pillow on Chris's bed, a pillow that Busta reluctantly shared with Kariya and JC now. 

"Fuck," Chris finally said weakly, lifting his head to look at JC. He wiped at his eyes, sniffling. "Just. Fuck." 

"I'm sorry," JC said to him, reaching up and cupping Chris's cheek in his hand. "Want me to, like, talk to Johnny? So you can go home and get Kariya?" 

"No," Chris shook his head, standing up. His face closed off and he rolled his shoulders. "I'm fine. He's just a dog." 

"Chris, he wasn't just a dog," JC said to him gently. "Don't do this to yourself." 

"What am I doing?" Chris's voice was harsh and he glared at JC. "All I'm doing is going into the bathroom to finish touching up my beard. Then we're going to go to breakfast and do all of the other stupid, fucking things we have to do today before we get onstage tonight." 

JC looked at him, his gaze steady. "Get over here now, Christopher." 

Chris looked like he was going to fight that but instead walked over to JC meekly and sat down next to him. 

JC fixed his gaze on Chris again, his arms crossed. "You are going to deal with this, Chris. You are not going to pretend it doesn't exist and you are not going to joke it away. Do you understand me?"

Chris hung his head. "Yes." 

"Now," JC said calmly. "Would you like to talk about this with me?" 

"Yes," Chris said meekly. He sniffled again and leaned against JC, letting the other man continue to comfort him as he talked about Busta. 

JC was used to having to force Chris to talk about things that hurt him. This was no different.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/bed.html)


	21. In Between Love: Bed

_Bed_

 

JC never liked sleeping in bed alone. Whenever Chris had gone on trips alone for FuMan or to visit family, he slept like crap because the bed was too empty and big. He missed having Chris to curl up against. 

The bed in his house now was way too big and he slept alone every night. Chris was three thousand miles away and sleeping in their bed. This bed here wasn't their bed. It was one they had to buy because they needed a bed in the house. They probably had only slept in it together three times. 

JC had picked out the bed at their house in Orlando years before. When he had bought the place, he decided he wanted a huge sleigh bed with a curved headboard and baseboard. He loved his bed so much and when Chris moved in, they just kept JC's bed because it was big enough for the both of them. 

Chris made the bed sheets smell like sunshine and JC just couldn't figure out how to do it. He bought the same detergent and fabric softener Chris used but they just didn't smell the same. When JC pressed his face into the pillow and breathed deep something was missing. 

He was pretty sure that he knew what it was but he didn't want to admit it. 

At night, he would stare at the ceiling and listen to the sounds of LA which weren't comforting like home. There was no sounds of pets and Chris in his home to put him to sleep. 

In the morning he tried to make coffee but usually messed it up. Chris made the coffee usually and JC was just awful at it. His coffee tasted like sludge and more mornings than not he ended up going down the street to get coffee that was drinkable. 

Photographers liked to take pictures of him drinking his coffee alone in the morning, bent over a notebook with headphones clapped over his ears. Half the time he was only wearing a dirty T-shirt and pajama bottoms. He hated that people cared about what he did. 

Sometimes he didn't go back to his house all day because it was so empty and cold to him. He missed Chris's energy and just knowing that he was there. JC's life was empty and he didn't know what to do about it. Until now, he hadn't realized how much a part of his life Chris was. 

His life was very sad to him without Chris in it. 

JC wanted to go home. He just had to figure out how.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/child.html)


	22. In Between Love: Child

_Child_

 

JC woke up suddenly, sitting straight up in bed and effectively tossing Chris onto his back since he had been sleeping on JC's chest. Chris just mumbled and rolled over, trying to breathe into a pillow. 

"Chris," JC shook him. "Wake up, Chris." 

"'M awake," Chris mumbled into the pillow. "Interview?" 

"No," JC ran his hand through his short hair. "I want to have a baby." 

"'Mkay," Chris started to move under the covers, his eyes still closed. JC watched him, confused. A moment later Chris dropped his boxers on the ground. "Just gimme a second to get ready." 

"What are you _doing_?" 

"Baby." Chris yawned widely, finally opening one eye. "Sex." 

"Chris," JC said slowly, patiently because Chris was pretty much fast asleep. "You and I can't have a baby. We need to adopt or find a surrogate. Oh! Maybe Britney or Dani could. No, not Brit. She'd never give up her figure for a baby. Dani would be good though. She's sweet and kind and pretty and maybe we should just adopt but not yet. Not until we stop touring and all of that. We need to be home with a baby. Chris, are you listening to me?" 

Chris just let out a snore in response, one hand still on his half-hard dick. JC sighed and moved Chris's hand away, curling up against him. They could talk about it again in the morning.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/dani.html)


	23. In Between Love: Dani

_Dani_

 

Chris had started bringing Dani around after the 'I Drive Myself Crazy' video. He mentioned something about beards and keeping up appearances before leaving with her. JC had pursed his lips and concentrated on something else for awhile, ignoring the looks that the other three gave him. 

JC was mad at Chris because Chris hadn't said anything about this to him. They all sat through the lectures from Lou and Johnny about who they date and how to keep things quiet. JC and Chris had both known it was directed pretty much at them. Joey and Justin both had steady girlfriends and Lance only dated girls. 

So when Chris brought Dani around and he didn't say anything to JC about it, JC just figured it was Chris's way of breaking up with him. It was admittedly a very shitty way and JC was pretty much fuming mad at the way it was going but he didn't let it show. He was a professional after all. 

Chris was out with her one day and JC just had enough. He went over to Chris's apartment and started cleaning out his stuff, throwing it all into a big, cardboard box that had the word 'bathroom' on the side of it. He didn't cry much, mainly just when he was going through their clothes and separating them out. He wanted to keep Chris's sweaters so he could wrap himself in them and remember when things had been good and he had thought Chris loved him. 

Chris came home when he was still packing though and when he found JC in the kitchen wrapping his favourite mug that he always kept at Chris's apartment in an old T-shirt, he knew something was wrong. 

"JC?" Chris said from the doorway. "What are you doing?" 

"I'm packing." JC didn't even turn to look at him, instead reaching up to grab his favourite jelly glass that he drank orange juice out of every morning. Chris walked over, taking the glass out of JC's hand and turning him towards him. 

"Are you breaking up with me?" asked Chris seriously. 

"No," JC shook his head. "You're breaking up with me." 

"No I'm not," Chris's forehead wrinkled, one of his braids coming loose from his ponytail as he scratched his head. "Why would you think that?" 

JC sighed and pulled away, taking the glass back. "Danielle." 

"Wait a second," Chris took the glass back again. "You think I'm breaking up with you because of Dani. Why would I do that?" 

"You're dating her and spending time with her and you're not spending time with me." JC took the glass back, yanking it out of Chris's hand. It _was_ his glass after all. 

"I'm making it look like I'm dating her," Chris took the glass back, putting it in the cabinet. "So people don't think I'm dating you." 

"You might as well just date her," JC grumbled, crossing his arms. Fine. Chris could keep the stupid glass. "Since you broke up with me." 

"I _didn't_ break up with you!" 

JC looked at him for a moment, thinking that Chris was being really stubborn about this. Chris was the asshole here, not JC. Chris broke up with him. 

"Look, JC," Chris took his arm and led him over to the table, sitting him down. "I'm not breaking up with you. I'm not really dating Dani. This is a publicity thing. Lou and Johnny think that one of us should do it and Dani was more than willing to help out. I don't want to break up with you and I didn't mean to make you feel that way. Now can we please unpack your shit and go have make-up sex or something?" 

"How do I know you're telling the truth?" asked JC skeptically. Chris could be lying so he could have Dani and JC even though that really wasn't Chris's style. 

Chris sighed and pulled out his cell phone, dialing Dani's number. "Hey. Yeah, it's me. Look, can you do me a favour? Tell JC that I'm not really dating you. He's being a dick and not believing me." 

Chris shoved the phone at JC who took it gingerly. "Hello?" 

"Hi, JC," Dani said. JC could just see her smiling because she always smiled and was perky and happy like that. "Look. Chris and I are just friends. I'm helping him out. You're the one he loves." 

JC looked at Chris who was staring at his hands, his ears bright red. Shit, he'd fucked this up and now Chris was embarrassed and probably a little upset. He'd be upset if Chris had done this to him. He said goodbye to Dani softly and hung up Chris's phone. 

"Um. I'myeah," JC rubbed the back of his neck. "I'm a jerk. Sorry." 

"Yeah you are," Chris looked up at him. "I bet you tried to take my blue sweater too." 

JC blushed a little and shrugged. "It's possible." 

"Jerk," Chris said fondly, leaning in and kissing JC. "Get in the bedroom. I'm not breaking up with you and you aren't breaking up with me. Got it?" 

JC nodded. 

"And the blue sweater is mine."   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/cftciv.html)


	24. In Between Love: CFTC IV

_CFTC IV_

 

Justin, Lance, and Joey had a brilliant plan to keep Chris and JC as far apart as possible the whole weekend of Challenge for the Children. Justin told JC to stay at his place which just earned him a laugh and a wave of his hand. Chris was staying at his own place so JC was just going to go home. 

The first morning they were all together again, there was a meeting. Lance, happy, buff, and tan, was striding down the hall full of confidence and excited to be seeing his friends. He stopped though, when he saw JC and Chris in the conference room together, laughing. 

"Here," Chris slid the rest of his coffee over to JC who took it easily. They'd always shared food and drinks over the years. Now was no different. Chris looked up from the bagel he was mutilating with a spork much to JC's amusement and saw Lance there. "Lance!" 

They both were up and moving, crushing themselves to Lance who did his best to hug both of them, refraining from asking why they were together in the same room alone and happy. Not that them being happy was bad but according to Justin and Joey, they hadn't seen each other since the second week in June when JC moved to LA. 

Joey and Justin appeared a few minutes later, joining in on the group hug that ended up as a group dogpile on the floor with all of them trying to touch Lance. JC's arms were around Chris's waist and it was like old times and he felt like maybe Bobbie was right about them being right for each other. 

Lance finally pried them off long enough to smile and hug each of them briefly. JC let go of Chris and just nudged him a little towards Lance. Chris flung himself at Lance and squeezed so tightly, Lance squeaked. 

JC ignored the looks that Justin and Joey were giving him. What was happening between himself and Chris wasn't any of their business. He was comfortable enough with them to shut them out of this part of his life. So far Chris had done the same thing though JC suspected that Joey knew a lot more than he let on. 

The three months that the five of them hadn't spent together seemed to disappear and they all immediately fell back into normal patterns of behaviour. Justin stopped being Justin Timberlake and returned to his usual dorky nature, wrapping his arms around whomever was closest to him and holding on tight. He and Chris had similar techniques of showing they cared. 

They were at the over 21 party they were hosting when Lance finally cornered JC. He leaned against JC easily, his arm slung around JC's thin waist. Chris was on the floor dancing with Joey and Justin, just goofing off really, and JC had been watching him for awhile. 

"He's looking really good," said Lance lowly. He had a bottle of water in his hand, resisting the alcohol. He still had to follow his diet and restrictions while he was home. "He's lost a fuck of a lot of weight." 

"He didn't really eat the first couple weeks after we broke up," JC admitted. "Tyler told me he was but apparently Chris convinced Tyler to lie to me so I wouldn't worry. He's too thin now." 

Lance looked at Chris for a moment, at the way Chris's shirt clung to his stomach and the way, for the first time in over two years, it didn't round out. Lance could see what JC meant. It didn't look right. 

"How you doing?" asked Lance gently.

JC looked over at him and smiled sincerely. "I'm doing fine, Lance. I know that you guys all assume that both Chris and I would break without each other. But we're okay. We're strong, Lance." 

"What are you trying to find?" asked Lance. 

JC looked at him oddly for a moment, his forehead wrinkled before it smoothed out and he smiled again, widely. "My way back to Chris." 

Lance sighed happily, resting his head on JC's shoulder and squeezing gently. "I'm glad."   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/indecent.html)


	25. In Between Love: Indecent

_Indecent_

 

JC never liked the red pants. He saw them and made a face, looking over at Lance like he could fix it. Lance was too busy looking at the horrifying outfits for Just Got Paid to realize that JC was frightened of his pants. 

JC got them over his hips and looked at himself in the mirror, smoothing down the scratchy fabric. He tested it for flexibility, doing deep knee-bends and some dance moves. Then he turned sideways and freaked. 

"I cannot wear these!" JC screeched from the dressing area. "No way in hell!"

"You think you've got it bad," Joey grumbled, looking at his light-up pants. "My pants blink." 

"What's wrong?" asked Chris, pushing back the curtains so he could see. He whistled. "Nice pants, man." 

"I can't wear these!" JC repeated, pointing at his crotch. "Look at my dick!" 

"I'd rather not," said Justin, peeking over Chris's shoulder and looking anyway. "And dude, are you packing or something?" 

"No," JC hissed at him. "This is justme." 

Justin nudged Chris. "Dude, you're a lucky guy." 

"Oh fuck off, Timberlake," Chris grinned, pushing him a little. "Seriously, Jace. It's okay. No one will notice." 

JC poked at the bulge of his crotch. "What's going to happen when I gethappy while performing? Because I do all the time and these won't hide it!" 

Chris walked over and looked down at JC's pants, tilting his head a little. "Maybe if you shifted it? Made it hang on the other side?" 

JC squared his shoulders. "I will not. He's perfectly happy hanging to the left. It's not natural for him to go towards the right." 

Chris raised an eyebrow. "You know, I'm really glad that the MTV cameras aren't here right now because wow would this be a conversation to catch on tape. Watch Chris and JC talk about which side JC dresses to on the next Making the Tour!" 

JC crossed his arms. "Well you don't have to be a bitch about it." 

Chris waved his hand. "Just wear the pants, C. It'll be fine." 

JC sighed and looked at himself in the mirror. "Well they do make my ass look good." 

"Exactly," Chris slapped his ass, causing JC to jump. "Now let's go make fun of Joey. His pants light up." 

JC sighed and looked at himself again. This was just downright indecent. He reluctantly followed Chris to Joey's part of the dressing area to go see the light-up pants. 

Later, after the tour when the fans started referring to the red pants as the erection pants and making references to his dick all the time, JC just blamed Chris.  
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/sex.html)

 


	26. In Between Love: Sex

_Sex_

 

Sex with Chris had always been good right from the start. Neither of them went into the relationship as blushing virgins and both of them were more than willing to talk about sex with almost anyone. Joey found that out on more than one occasion when he had both JC and Chris corner him separately and tell him about the night before. 

They had sex a lot at first, almost anywhere they could get five minutes alone, be it a dressing room, Justin's bathroom, or backstage at a concert. JC loved that sex sometimes, all crazy and rushed and sweaty. Chris would bite at his neck and moan into his skin and JC would come so hard he would see stars. 

Eventually, they did slow down and stopped feeling the need to have sex anywhere they could. A lot of it had to do with the time Lonnie walked in on them in the backseat of the van, Chris's legs over JC's shoulders. Lonnie covered his eyes and shrieked like a little girl. That definitely killed the moment. 

They confined sexual activities to hotel rooms and homes, specifically their homes because Joey casually requested that they not have sex on his kitchen table ever again. His family had to eat there and he didn't like knowing that JC's pale, white ass had been pressed against it at some point. 

JC loved to have sex in the morning because it was sleepy and slow and warm and sticky and it calmed Chris down for the rest of the day. It was generally so slow and calm that JC could almost be lulled back to sleep from it were it not for the impending orgasm. 

Chris's hand would sweep over his shoulder blade and he would kiss him slowly and smoothly, like molasses. JC would throw his leg over Chris's and they would rock together, holding each other close and kissing and whispering between them until they both came. 

Chris was one to just have random spurts of horniness. Every so often he would just be raring to go when JC looked at him sideways. JC, who liked sex whenever, just laughed and took good care of Chris's needs for those few days. It tended to happen when they were home and not on tour which made it easier on both of them. 

Justin still talked about the time he walked into JC's house and discovered that Chris was boycotting clothes for a few days. JC had just shrugged a little and let Chris hump his leg with Justin standing there. Justin left pretty quickly after that. 

Lance had a tendency to call JC to talk when Chris was trying to go down on JC. Lance just waited patiently and ignored the breathy moans in between words because JC gave the best advice while he was getting head. He usually tried to hang up before JC came because he was useless after that. Plus, JC screeching at the top of his lungs was painful over a phone. 

They still had a lot of sex but lately Chris had been tired after shows and in a lot of pain even though he didn't want to admit it. JC spent more nights taking care of Chris and rubbing his aching knees and back. Chris didn't like to think about the fact he couldn't keep up with his friends anymore. 

Those nights, JC would curl up next to Chris and comfort him with soft kisses and warm hands. Usually at some point, JC would duck his head between Chris's legs and blow him slowly, dragging it out until all the tension built up and he came. Chris was always relaxed after that and slept better. JC knew these things.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/favour.html)


	27. In Between Love: Favour

_Favour_

 

Chris ran to the phone, tripping over the sleeping pile of pets and landed on the ground with a loud 'oomph' but managing to grab the phone at the same time. He just stayed on the ground, leaning against Baron's back. 

"'Lo?" 

"Hey," JC said easily. "You okay?" 

Chris groaned a little, stretching his legs out. "I tripped over the dogs trying to get the phone," Grendel hissed and twitched his tail in Chris's face. "And Grendel as well." 

"How is the cat?" asked JC, leaning against the back of the couch. 

"Fat and annoying," Chris smirked a little as Grendel hissed again. "Your cat hates me, man." 

"That's because you threw him in the pool when he was a kitten. Cats remember these things," JC laughed. "You can't treat him like a dog." 

"He eats dog food," Chris reminded him. "And refuses to use a litter box." 

"Has he pissed in your shoes recently?" 

"Nope," Chris said proudly, rubbing Grendel's back and listening to him purr. "He uses the dog door." 

"I need you to do me a favour," said JC. "You ready to listen?" 

Chris raised an eyebrow. "I've told you before and I'll tell you again, I am not going to have a digital get down with my ex-boyfriend." 

JC laughed at that. "C'mon. You know my phone sex skills kick ass." 

"Let me think about it," Chris paused for a brief moment. "No. So what's the favour?" 

"I'm going to send you a CD," said JC softly. "I want your honest opinion on it. I've been tooling around in the studio and came up with this." 

"You recorded a CD?" Chris sat up, knocking Grendel off of him with a startled yowl. 

"It's not going to be released," JC said quickly. "It's just for you." 

"Oh," Chris was quiet for a long time. "Wow." 

"It should be there tomorrow," JC said to him softly. "Call me after you listen to it." 

"I will," Chris reached over to pat Grendel. "Bye, C." 

"Bye, Chris." 

Chris hit end.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/blame.html)


	28. In Between Love: Blame

_Blame_

 

Chris blamed himself and there was really no way for any of them to convince him otherwise. He spent his nights poring over their contracts and legal documents. He really didn't understand them but he refused to admit it. This was his fault all of this was happening anyway. 

"Chris," JC said gently, sliding behind him and wrapping an arm around Chris's waist. "Come to bed." 

"I don't want to," Chris said, trying to nudge JC's arm off of him but JC held tight. "I have stuff to do, JC." 

JC rested his chin on Chris's shoulder, pushing the dreads back so they weren't poking him in the eye. "What you need to do is come to bed and you know it. Pushing yourself like this isn't going to change anything. It'll all be the same in the morning." 

Chris succeeded in pushing JC off, his shoulders square and tight. "Leave me alone, okay. I have shit to do." 

JC tightened his jaw and grabbed Chris's shoulders, turning Chris to face him. "Get in the fucking bed now." 

Chris started to protest but stopped when he saw how angry JC actually was. He relented and turned to put his papers away. JC kept his hand on Chris's back, rubbing gently through his T-shirt. 

"I don't blame you," JC said to him softly, undressing Chris. "We all got into this together, Chris. None of us knew what was happening." 

"But I was the adult," Chris protested, lifting his arms for JC to pull his shirt off. "It was my job to protect you guys. If I hadn't been so gung-ho about the record deal and all of that, this wouldn't be happening." 

JC turned off the lights and tugged Chris down so he was lying on his pillow and facing JC. He stroked Chris's bare side lightly. "Stop blaming yourself. If you have to blame someone, blame Lou for being an asshole." 

Chris closed his eyes, sighing softly. "I should have known better." 

"Why?" asked JC seriously, moving closer and wrapping Chris in his arms. 

"I'm the oldest." 

"You'd never been in the music industry before. You never signed a contract like that in your life," JC reminded him, his hand falling to the small of Chris's back. Chris folded into his arms easily, especially now. He'd lost a lot of weight since all of this started. "To be honest, Chris. I was the only one besides Justin who'd signed anything like that before" 

"I should have known better." Chris just said again, his fingers digging into JC's arms. His breathing hitched a little but JC didn't comment on it, just kept smoothing his hand over Chris's back. 

Chris cried every night and JC never acknowledged it because the one time he did Chris stomped out of the room and slept in the hallway. Justin had found him the next morning and started crying because he thought Chris and JC had broken up and he was so scared that everyone was just going to leave him. 

They all had a rule, especially right now, not to upset Justin. He was still a kid and even though everything was falling apart around him they wanted to keep him safe. 

Sometimes JC thought that was why Chris cried every night. 

He hadn't kept any of them safe.  
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/promises.html)


	29. In Between Love: Promises

_Promises_

 

"He totally wants me back," said Chris as soon as Joey opened the front door. Chris shoved the CD at Joey's chest. "Just listen." 

"It's 3 am," said Joey sleepily, Brianna in his arms, looking just as confused. "What are you doing here?" 

"Cis?" Brianna reached for him, yawning. "Toy?" 

Chris produced a stuffed dog from behind his back. Brianna squealed happily and grabbed at the dog. She held it up to show Joey. "Shit!" 

Joey groaned and handed Brianna over to Chris. "Teach her new words." He turned the CD over in his hand. "What is this?" 

"JC made me a CD," said Chris, bouncing Brianna who was interested in the dog. She was rubbing her eyes with her free hand though, yawning wide. "Where's Kelly?" 

"Asleep," Joey glared at Chris. "I told you. It's 3 am. You're lucky the baby was already up asking for some juice." 

Brianna looked over like she just remembered about the juice and that was the real reason she was up, not to see Uncle Chris and get a stuffed dog. "Da? Jui?" 

"C'mon," said Joey, heading towards the kitchen. "You want some juice too, Chris?" 

Chris pouted as he followed Joey, Brianna resting her head on his shoulder. "Aren't you going to listen to the CD?" 

"I've heard JC's mix I love you tapes before," said Joey, tossing the CD on the table which made Chris yelp and reach for it. "He's not that creative. He's used Hole in My Heart on every single one he's done." 

"No," said Chris, rescuing the CD and holding it carefully as he put Brianna on the table. She kicked her legs happily, waiting for her juice. "JC _made_ a CD for me. It's his songs. Just him and a guitar. It's beautiful, Joey." 

Joey paused, a sippy cup of juice in his hand. Brianna reached for it desperately. He handed it over to her before saying anything. 

"He _made_ a CD?" 

Chris nodded in the affirmative, one hand on Brianna's back as she drank happily. 

"How is it?" Joey reached for the CD, which Chris handed to him. 

"It's really good, Joey," said Chris honestly. "Better than the stuff we've heard from Justin. And like, it's totally for me." 

Joey put the CD in the stereo he had in the kitchen so he could sing along to music while he cooked. He sat down at the table and put Brianna on his lap as he listened. Eventually Brianna drifted off to sleep but Joey never moved, just listened to JC sing. Chris got up and got a snack, smiling the whole time even when the song was angry because the anger was all his too. 

The CD finished and Joey finally stood up, lifting Brianna and settling her against his shoulder. He looked at Chris seriously, his hand against Brianna's back. 

"You better figure out what you plan to do for him," said Joey calmly. "That's a whole lot of anger and love poured out into music. I was _not_ supposed to hear that and you know that." 

Chris chewed on his lip. "He wants me back though." 

"Maybe," Joey shifted Brianna again. "Go home and go to sleep, Chris." 

"Can I sleep on your couch?" 

Joey sighed and gestured with his free hand. "Okay but I'm not going to be quiet for you when we get up in the morning." 

"Thanks," said Chris, already heading into the dark living room. He flopped on Joey's couch, listening as Joey climbed the steps back upstairs to go to sleep. Chris smiled at the ceiling.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/sun.html)


	30. In Between Love: Sun

_Sun_

 

JC dipped his toes in the water, giggling a little when Justin splashed him. Justin laughed as well before diving back under to try and pull Lance's swim trunks off. Joey was whistling happily at the barbeque, flipping burgers that Kelly had made this morning. Kelly made the best hamburgers. She was in the shallow end with Brianna, holding her up as she splashed. 

JC tilted his head back and smiled at the warm sun on his face. They were finally done the horrendous summer tour of doom where Joey kept getting hurt and sick and everything went wrong including Chris breaking his hand. He was just so glad to be home now. 

JC opened his eyes when Chris slid behind him, wrapping his arms around JC's waist. He tucked his chin over JC's shoulder, smiling against his cheek. 

"Hey," JC said, patting Chris's arms. "I was wondering where you were." 

"Taking a piss. Then I bugged Beth in the kitchen until she kicked me out for being annoying," Chris grinned, kicking the water in an attempt to splash Justin. He missed and got Lance instead, earning himself an indignant shriek. "Then I decided I need to sit here with you because you're half-naked and sweaty. And that's hot." 

"And you're easy," said JC, tilting his head back and kissing Chris lightly. "Take your shirt off, man. It's hot out here." 

Chris shifted a little against his back. "I'm fine." 

Britney opened the back door, holding a few beers in her hand. She bumped the door shut with her hip and took a beer over to Joey, twisting the cap off of one for herself. JC watched her for a moment as she laughed. 

"You're sweating," JC said to Chris, turning his attention back to him. "Want to go swimming?" 

"Brit!" Justin waved his hands, bobbing in the water. "Did you get me a beer?" 

"I'm fine," said Chris again. He held up his hand. "Besides. Cast." 

"I'm not giving you a beer while you're in the pool," Britney pointed in the general direction of the pool. "Watch out for La" Justin's shriek was lost as Lance pulled him under the water. "Never mind." 

JC turned in Chris's arms, throwing his legs over Chris's. "Hey. What's up? You've been all kinds of quiet lately." 

Chris shrugged, looking over JC's shoulder into the pool. He squinted at the sun glare and shrugged again. JC sighed and rested his head on Chris's shoulder. Chris brought his casted hand up to rest on the back of JC's neck. 

"Food's on!" Joey called from the barbeque, pressing his beer to his forehead. "Get your lazy butts over here and eat it, you bums." 

Justin sputtered as he pushed Lance away from him. He hauled himself out of the water, shaking like a dog and getting Chris and JC in the process. Chris just reached out and pushed Justin back in. 

Lance swam over to Kelly and took Brianna from her so she could climb out before taking the baby again. Lance was very careful with his goddaughter. Beth came out with a pitcher of beer and a bunch of mugs, putting them on the table. 

"Chris," JC tugged on his arm before he could walk off and join the others. "Wait for a second." 

Chris stopped and looked at him. "Yeah?" 

"Gimme the ketchup," said Justin, dripping water all over Britney. "C'mon, Joey." 

Britney slapped his stomach lightly, pushing him back into his seat and handing him the ketchup. "If I wanted to swim I would have, jerk." 

"When they leave will you tell me what's going on?" asked JC softly, his fingers ruffling the hair on Chris's arm. "I'm worried about you." 

"Don't worry about me, C," Chris smiled at him but it didn't reach his eyes. "I'm just feeling fat and ugly. No big deal." 

Joey cradled Brianna in his arms, feeding her, one leg crossed over the other while Kelly ate a hamburger. "They okay?" 

Lance looked over at JC and Chris, shrugging a little. "Guess so. Chris doesn't have his mad face on." 

"Though that is his defensive stance," Justin chimed in. "I'm sure it's nothing." 

"Oh Chris," JC sighed, stepping forward and hugging him. "You are neither of those things. You are the most beautiful person I know." 

Chris crossed his arms over his chest, frowning a little. "Yeah right. C, you have to say that. You're my boyfriend." 

"I've been your boyfriend for a long, long time," JC crossed his arms as well. "I've seen you through every stupid hairstyle, every weight fluctuation, every bad outfit, everything. I love you more every single fucking day. Got it, Christopher?" 

Chris lifted his chin and looked at JC defiantly. "Believe it or not, being stern and calling me Christopher doesn't always work." 

"Yes it does," JC tried to suppress a smile. "Your mother's the one that taught me that technique." 

"Bastard," Chris said entirely without malice. "Can we just talk about this later when our friends aren't here?" 

"Sure," JC tugged Chris closer to him, lifting his chin with one finger. "I love you insecurities and all. I always will." 

"Yeah," Chris smiled a little and moved quickly to snap at JC's finger. "C'mon. I'm hungry." 

JC yelped a little and stepped backwards away from Chris's gnashing teeth. He teetered on the edge of the pool and pin wheeled his arms to try not to fall in. A moment later the loud splash and high-pitched JC shriek that accompanied it signaled his unsuccessful attempt. Chris was just doubled over laughing and pointing. 

"Yep," Justin said, his mouth full of hamburger. "They're fine."   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/life.html)


	31. In Between Love: Life-sized

_Life-sized_

 

JC opened the door, smiling sheepishly at Bobbie. She was holding the usual package of underwear and socks that Chris was still sending her every week for him as well as a large cardboard box. 

"What's that?" asked JC, gesturing at it. 

Bobbie shrugged, handing it over to him. She set the underwear bag on the ground and walked inside, stretching her arms above her head. 

"So Dani tells me that Chris has been designing like crazy lately," said Bobbie, walking towards the kitchen to get a drink. "Most of it is crap according to her as well but some of it is really good." 

"He hasn't said anything about that," said JC, following her into the kitchen, still holding the box. "You don't think he sent me a bomb, do you?" 

Bobbie snorted, pulling out a bottle of soy milk. "Maybe if he sent you that right after the two of you broke up but you split over three months ago. You've spent time with each other. I'm sure he would have tried to kill you before now. That said," she opened the refrigerator and ducked behind the door. "Now you can open it." 

JC giggled happily, shaking his head. "You are such a funny girl." 

Bobbie shut the refrigerator and sat down on the counter, swinging her legs. "That has to be why you fake dated me for three years." 

JC looked at the box for a moment then got up to get a knife. "This is stupid. I'm just going to open it." 

Bobbie sipped on the soy milk, watching as JC slit the tape on the box, opening it up. He gasped loudly, pressing a hand to his mouth. 

"What is it?" Bobbie hopped off the counter, worried. Chris wouldn't fuck with JC's mind by sending him Grendel in a box or anything but she wanted to check just to be sure. "Oh my." 

JC's hands shook as he pulled the first shirt out. Silk-screened onto the front of the mesh top was his artwork. He touched the soft lines reverently, his hands shaking. His artwork was on clothing. 

Bobbie pulled out a pair of pants, smiling. "Flowers." 

"That's one of mine too," said JC, his eyes tearing up. "This is my artwork, Bobbie. He put it on his clothing." 

"Wow," Bobbie breathed. She looked at the clothing. "This stuff is really good, JC." She picked up another shirt. "This is you." 

JC put down the first shirt and looked at the shirt Bobbie was holding. She was right. It was him but this wasn't anything he had done. He never painted himself. 

"It's so delicate," said Bobbie, touching the lines of JC's body on the shirt. It was just a silhouette but it was easy to tell it was him at the same time. "Did you do this?" 

JC shook his head, his fingers touching the tiny CAK down by the foot. "I think Chris painted it." 

Bobbie saw the note first, picking it up and handing it to JC. He took it, rubbing at his eyes with the back of his hand before opening it to read. Bobbie folded the clothes up carefully. 

JC sniffled as he read it. "He only made one of each and he doesn't plan on making them again. They're just for me." 

"Oh honey," said Bobbie softly, rubbing JC's back, her head tilted against his shoulder. JC just sniffled again.   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/reveal.html)


	32. In Between Love: Reveal

_Reveal_

 

It only took Chris and JC a few weeks to decide that what they were doing behind closed doors was something serious and not just idle fooling around. It was JC's idea to break everyone up and tell them separately. 

Joey was easy. He'd already figured it out when he and Chris had shared a room for a few days and Chris snuck out to go sleep in JC's bed every night instead since he had the single room. He already told them he was cool with it and gave Chris a high five for snagging JC which caused JC to blush hotly and point out that he kissed Chris first. 

So it really came down to telling Justin and Lance. The hard parts were deciding how to tell them, when to tell them, and who would tell them. Chris decided that he should tell Justin because JC was better with Lance and Lance was really the trickier of the two. 

Lance and Joey were sharing a room and when JC came in, Joey stretched really big and got out of bed. "Well I feel like going for a walk," Joey grinned wide and smacked JC's ass. "I'll be back later." 

Lance looked at him skeptically as JC just put his hand over his eyes and groaned. Joey was terrible at being subtle. JC walked over and sat on the bed next to Lance who sat with his hands folded on his lap. 

"Did I do something wrong?" asked Lance quickly, his face already turning red. 

"No," JC assured him, reaching out to squeeze Lance's shoulder. "This actually has nothing to do with you. II just need to tell you something. And. Um. Don't hate me?" 

"I couldn't hate you," Lance said softly, looking over at JC briefly. "So. What's going on?" 

"II'm" JC squeezed his hands together tightly, looking at his white knuckles. "I. So. Like. I'm" 

"Is this about you being gay?" Lance interrupted, rescuing JC from himself. 

JC's jaw dropped and he looked at Lance in shock. "You already know?" 

"Well yeah," Lance said to him, a little taken aback. "You're kind of all over Chris and Chris is gay. So I just figured that was what it was about since you're so nervous." 

"Oh," JC said, relieved. "So. You're okay?" 

Lance shrugged a little. "Is he your boyfriend?" 

JC smiled happily, blushing at the same time. He nodded quickly, looking at his hands. 

"That's nice," Lance reached out and patted JC's leg quickly before pulling his hand back. "I'm" he coughed a little, looking pained. "Glad for you." 

"You're not okay are you?" asked JC sadly already knowing the answer. Lance had never really been okay with Chris being gay but he never said anything, just been a little less affectionate with Chris than the others. 

"It's not my place to be okay with it," Lance said honestly. "You guys are my best friends and I want you to be happy. If you're happy with each other, that's good. Really." 

"That's the best I'm going to be able to get, huh?" JC sighed a little, thinking that at least he was getting that. 

"For now," Lance said honestly, patting JC's leg again, leaving it there a little longer this time just to prove that he could. "I guess Joey knows?" 

JC nodded. "He kind of figured it out himself. Kind of like you. Chris is telling Justin right now." 

"Justin's got no idea," Lance said, getting up and fidgeting. "That should be interesting." 

"Get up, squirt," said Chris, tugging Justin's covers off. "Ew, man. Put on clothes when you go to sleep after jerking off." 

Justin stretched lazily, yawning at the same time. "Don't bother me if you don't want to see my dick." 

"You call that a dick?" Chris scoffed, sitting down on the bed and handing Justin boxers. "Trust me on this, boy. That ain't no dick." 

Justin pouted and pulled his boxers on, his long legs curling underneath himself when he was finished. "Did you actually want something?" 

"Me and C are dating," said Chris bluntly. "You cool with that?"

Justin looked at him blankly for a moment. "Like _dating_ dating?" 

"Like hold his hand dating or fuck him dating?" asked Chris. "Which is dating dating?" 

Justin swallowed, his ears turning bright red. "Are you having sex with JC?" 

"No," said Chris honestly. "Not yet. We probably will though." 

"Oh," Justin looked at his hands for a long time, not saying anything. Chris just waited patiently as Justin thought it out for himself. Finally, Justin looked up at him again, smiling. "Okay. Are you in love with him?" 

"I will be," Chris promised. "I love all you guys already. It's just a matter of time before I'm actually in love with him." 

"You treat him well," said Justin, trying to be threatening. "He's my best friend and I don't want him to get hurt, especially by you. I can hurt you." 

Chris laughed, reaching out to ruffle Justin's short curls. "No you can't. But it's okay. I get the idea and I won't hurt JC. I couldn't hurt JC. Promise." 

"Lance is a little squirrelly about this gay stuff," Justin cautioned him. "He's weirded out by you and your gayness which has apparently caught JC as well now. Don't expect him to be as cool as I am." 

Chris rolled his eyes and stood up. "You're just the epitome of coolness, Timberlake. Besides, where do you think JC is right now?" 

Justin's eyes widened. "Can I go watch him tell Lance?" 

"No," Chris whacked him on the back of his head. "Go shower or something. You've got dried spunk all over you." 

Justin stood up, scratching at his bare chest. "At least I know it's all mine." 

"Go," Chris shoved him towards the bathroom and left. JC was just leaving Lance and Joey's room, shutting the door behind himself. 

"Hey." JC smiled at him softly. "Hi." 

"So" Chris looked at him, smiling. "Are we out?" 

"We're out," JC confirmed. "And he's okay with it. Not that happy but he's okay. It went better than I thought it would. How'd Justin take it?" 

"Apparently he'll kill me if I hurt you," Chris scoffed. "Like he could." 

"Well that's good," JC took Chris's hand, holding it tightly. "They're all at least okay with it." 

"I think Joey is downright thrilled about it personally," Chris chuckled, watching as Joey ambled down the hall, holding a porn magazine in his hand. "The deed is done, man." 

"Cool," Joey smiled at both of them. "Got you two a present." 

"No naked gir" Chris trailed off as Joey held up a magazine with naked men on the cover. "Whoa. You bought us gay porn?" 

"Yup," Joey said proudly, putting it in JC's hand. "I was buying myself some new reading material so I figured I would pick up something for you guys. I flipped through a couple of them and this one looks the hottest." 

"You bought us gay porn." Chris said again. 

Joey just laughed and shook his head. "I'm going to go check on Lancers. Make sure he's not praying for your souls or anything." 

"Um. Thanks" JC blushed even more, his voice weak. "For the you know." 

"The porn," Joey grinned, clapping JC on the back. "Enjoy." He walked down the hall, whistling the whole time. 

"Oh he is enjoying this _way_ too much," Chris said shaking his head. "And I already have this magazine."   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/luggage.html)


	33. In Between Love: Luggage

_Luggage_

 

JC's luggage was beautiful. It was a set of caramel-coloured leather bags that had his initials monogrammed on each piece. They were beautiful and expensive and right now Chris really wanted to pour water all over them. 

Instead, he folded JC's favourite blue jeans and put them in the biggest suitcase along with the other pairs of pants he had been folding for the last twenty minutes or so. His hands were shaking the whole time and every so often he stopped to take a deep breath because his eyes were burning and his chest was aching. 

JC was packing shirts right now. Chris watched as he picked out his own clothes from where they were mixed in with Chris's, leaving these big, empty spots in the closet. Chris felt sad for the closet and very sorry for his poor clothes that were so used to having JC's clothes next to them. 

"I think you're a jerk," said Chris to a pair of JC's cargo pants. "And I hate you a whole lot." "

I'm just trying to do what's best for both of us," JC answered, talking into the closet. "This isn't about hurting anyone." 

"Did you just think I would be happy and agree with you?" Chris turned to look at JC, crossing his arms across his chest. 

"I thought you had noticed that things weren't comfortable between us anymore," admitted JC softly. "All we do is fight, Chris. Maybe you're right and we don't need to break up for good but we still need a break from each other." 

"I don't _want_ a break," Chris groaned. "I _need_ you, JC." 

JC chewed on his lip, looking at the ground. "You lived twenty-five years without me, Chris. You'll be fine." 

Chris pushed at his eyelids with his fingers, tears of frustration spilling onto his fingers. He just shook his head, sitting down heavily on the bed. 

"It's different now," Chris sniffled, his chin tucked against his chest. "I know what it's like to have someone by my side, someone who I love more than anything. I don't want to go back to living like that because it _sucks_ , JC. I thought you understood that I was in this forever." He was quiet for a moment. "I thought you were too." 

"I amI was," JC said, frustrated. "I don't know, Chris, okay. Just. Please, let me have some space for a little while. Please." 

Chris lifted his head and looked at JC seriously. "I'll let you go if you promise to come back to me." 

JC crossed his arms and looked back at him. "I can't promise when." 

"What made you do it?" asked Chris, reaching for another pair of pants and folding them. He needed to do something with his hands. 

JC sighed and leaned back against the closet door frame. "I don't know how to make things better if I'm still in the situation. I need to make things better between us, Chris. And not just for our relationship. Our friendship needs help too." 

Chris nodded, not answering for a long time. He got up and walked to the closet, pulling out his blue sweater. JC watched him, stepping aside. 

"Here," said Chris softly, handing the sweater to JC. "When you come home, bring it with you." 

JC took the sweater, nodding a little. "So you're going to let me go?" 

Chris looked at him seriously, meeting JC's eyes. "I can't keep you here."   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/palm.html)


	34. In Between Love: Palm Trees and Coconut Rum

_Palm Trees and Coconut Rum_

 

Chris could count on one hand all the times he and JC had gotten to take a vacation together since they started dating three years before. 

Twice. 

Two whole times in three years. 

Chris planned to rectify that this December since they had almost a month off. The second leg of the NSA tour was over and all they had to do was a couple of promos and award shows. 

Putting JC on a plane was a lot easier than he thought. All he had to do was wake JC up and put him right in a car so he was half-asleep when they got to the airport and didn't wake up until they had already taken off. Chris had just petted him back to sleep and waited until they landed. 

JC woke up for good in the Explorer, looking around in surprise. "Where are we?" 

"Naples," said Chris, looking out the window. "Surprise." 

"We're in Italy?" JC looked even more confused because he saw palm trees everywhere. 

"Naples, Florida," Chris laughed. "No one will look for us here." 

"What are we doing here?" JC rubbed at his eyes, curling his legs underneath himself. 

"We're on vacation," Chris smiled at him softly. "Just you and me. I got us this little condo on the beach where no one will bother us." 

"Vacation?" 

"Yup," Chris leaned over to kiss him lightly. "Just you and me. No one around to bother us for a whole week. It'll be great." 

JC smiled against Chris's lips, humming happily. "I want to go surfing." 

The condo Chris rented was small and cozy, only one bedroom. It was away from any other house, surrounded by a bunch of palm trees and a fence. They had their own private beach behind the house which was what Chris was really happy about. He didn't want anyone seeing them together. 

JC wandered through the rooms, smiling happily the whole time. Besides the one bedroom there was a kitchen, a living room, a proper dining room which Chris suspected would get no use, a bathroom, and a small den. It was all decorated in soft colours and even softer fabrics. 

"I love it," JC exclaimed later as he licked Chris's inner thigh. "Like a whole lot." 

Chris inhaled sharply, shifting under JC's hands. "I thought you would." 

JC liked to make drinks with coconut rum and pineapple juice. He wasn't sure if it was a real drink or not but he liked how it tasted so Chris made sure there was plenty of both. 

The first night there, they sat out on the beach and watched the stars, sipping coconut rum and pineapple juice. JC wrapped his arms around Chris from behind, holding him close. The air smelled like the ocean and waves were crashing close by. 

"This is perfect, Chris," said JC softly. He pressed a kiss to Chris's neck. "Thank you for this. I think we both really needed it." 

Chris tilted his head back and kissed JC's lips lightly. "I'll always take care of you." 

JC tightened his arms around Chris and rested his chin on Chris's shoulder. "I count on it."   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/hurt.html)


	35. In Between Love: Hurt

_Hurt_

 

Chris was sunbathing in the backyard with Kariya napping on his lap. It was hot and sticky and just beautiful out so he decided to take advantage of it even though it meant he was pretty much naked. That was okay. Only JC was around anyway. 

"Chris?" JC called from the back door. "Can you come inside?" 

Chris opened one eye, holding up his hand to block the sun. He looked towards the door, squinting. JC looked oddly serious and Chris didn't want to go inside. He pressed his lips together and nodded, nudging Kariya off his lap. 

JC watched Chris walk inside, Kariya following at his heels. He shut the door behind them, walking into the living room. Chris followed, the tile cool against his bare feet. He shivered a little, thinking he should put a shirt on because the house was so cold. 

JC was twisting his hands as he waited to sit. Chris saw that and began to breath quicker, feeling agitated. He sat heavily and his leg immediately began thumping. He folded a hand over it to stop it but to no avail. 

"Chris," said JC slowly, his voice cracking. He cleared his throat and started again. "Chris. We need to talk." 

Chris heard blood rushing in his ears as his heart started to pound. He felt nauseous and briefly lamented the three jelly doughnuts he had for breakfast. 

"I love you," said JC softly. "And the past five years have been fantastic. You're my best friend, Chris." 

"Are you breaking up with me?" asked Chris, his voice hard. 

JC squeezed his eyes shut. "Yes." 

Chris was up and moving before JC had finished answering. He shook his head as he walked around the room. 

"No," Chris shook his head. "No. I refuse." 

"This isn't up for discussion, Chris," JC groaned. "I am breaking up with you. I need some time alone to try and figure out what I want in my own life without you around to screw it up!" 

"Me?" Chris stopped moving, his eyes wide. "I'm screwing up your life?" 

JC almost choked. "That's not what I meant!" he said, backpedaling. "I just. I need some time to be alone. I'm leaving, Chris. No discussion. It's happening." 

"No," Chris said again. His eyes were burning and he hated that. He really hated JC right now. "Don't leave me." 

JC stood up and walked over to him, touching Chris's arm lightly. "It's for the best." 

"This is _not_ for the best," Chris hissed, pulling away. He wrapped his arms around himself. "Don't touch me, JC." 

"Are you going to be okay?" asked JC gently. 

Chris looked at him like he'd grown two heads. "Okay? _Okay_? Of course I'm not going to be fucking okay! You just broke up with me! You're the only fucking person I've ever loved besides my family and you just broke up with me. You are an asshole!" 

"Yes I am," said JC softly, accepting Chris's anger. "You'll understand eventually. I just. I need to find me again." 

"Why do you have to leave me to do that?" asked Chris weakly, sitting down on the ground heavily.

JC sat next to him, putting an arm around Chris tentatively. "Because I've been with you so long I barely even know who I am anymore. I don't know if I'm JC or JCandChris. I don't know who JC is anymore." 

"I don't want you to leave." 

"Chris," JC said heavily. "I'm not going to change my mind. It's not like we aren't still going to be together. We work together and have lives that are intertwined. I just can't be your boyfriend anymore." 

Chris let out a broken sob, pressing his fingers to his eyes. JC just watched him, not saying anything. He felt like he was killing Chris with this. He hated himself so much. He thought he might be sick. 

Chris finally looked up at him, wiping at his eyes. He nodded calmly. "Where are you going?" 

"I'm going to go to LA," JC chewed on his thumbnail. "I figured a couple thousand miles would help us both out. Instead of one of us moving down the street to your place." 

"Are you going to come back?" Chris looked at him hopefully. 

JC pursed his lips together. "Maybe." 

Chris sighed slowly, letting out the breath he was holding. Maybe was better than no. He could live with maybe. And for now he could remain calm and rational because JC wasn't really leaving him. JC wouldn't break up with him for real. JC wasn't stupid.  
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/girl.html)


	36. In Between Love: If I Was Your Girl

_If I Was Your Girl_

 

Chris let himself into the house, which was actually JC's house but they both pretty much lived there. It was rare they stayed at Chris's because JC's was much homier and had JC's studio in it. Chris kind of thought that JC would shrivel up and die if he wasn't close to his studio when he slept. He was positive that was the reason JC slept with his keyboard next to the bed when they were on the road.

The pets were all curled up in a messy pile on the living room floor, the box fan turned right on them. Both JC and Chris were cheap so they didn't put on the air conditioning unless it was absolutely necessary. Because of that, the pets tended to conglomerate around a fan as soon as it drifted over 70. 

JC was listening to Janet Jackson again. They all had been listening to her a lot more recently since they were asked to cover _That's the Way Love Goes_ for Janet's MTV Icons show. 

Chris followed the music to the bedroom. The door was open and Chris could hear JC singing along to _If_ as he walked down the hallway. JC always sang too high when he was singing along to Janet and his voice tended to crack. Chris loved to hear that because he rarely heard JC sound so bad while singing. On occasion he needed to be reminded that JC was human just like the rest of them. 

JC's eyes were closed and he was dancing along to the music, lost in the sound. He was only wearing a pair of capris and nothing else. Chris watched appreciately as JC swung his hips to the music and ran a hand down his chest, stopping at his waistband to swivel his pelvis. 

Chris moved behind JC, not even trying to hide his movements. But JC, who was so into the music and the dancing, didn't notice until Chris put his hands on JC's hips and pulled him close. 

JC's eyes flew open and he gasped, his hands grabbing for Chris's and wrapping around his wrists. 

"You're already my girl." Chris murmured in JC's ear, feeling him shiver. 

JC smiled, tilting his head back. "No. I'm your man."   
  
---  
  
[Next](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/absolute.html)


	37. In Between Love: Absolute Beginners

_Absolute Beginners_

 

JC came home on a Thursday. Chris was in the basement doing laundry when he heard the dogs start to bark. Tyler was in Chicago with his parents for a few days at their request. 

Chris looked up, surprised. He finished putting up the load of sheets he had in the washing machine and picked up the laundry basket filled with the living room curtains and headed upstairs. 

JC's laughter, loud and atonal like always, filled the house as he played with the dogs and cat. The barking was just as loud and as Chris walked into the living room, he saw JC lying on the ground with the pets squirming to get closest to him. He smiled. 

JC giggled happily, looking over at the doorway at Chris. "I missed them."

Chris smiled back, setting the laundry basket on the ground. "They missed you too. Baron constantly stands at the studio door and whines for you to let him in." 

"Stupid dog," said JC affectionately, rubbing behind Baron's ears. "You'd think after four months he would figure out that I wasn't there." 

"We all liked to pretend you were behind the studio door," admitted Chris quietly. "So?" 

JC sat up, smiling at Chris still, his eyes crinkled. "Come sit next to me, Chris." 

Chris sat next to JC, his knees aching as he bent down. JC reached over and rubbed Chris's old knees like he always used to. Chris bent his head slightly, smiling. JC twined their fingers together. 

"I ditched Dre," said JC honestly. "I told him that I was going to visit Britney. I got on a plane instead. He's going to be so mad at me." 

Chris looked at their hands. "You must not have your cell phone on. I bet he's called a million times." 

"Probably," JC agreed. "It sucked dragging my luggage through the airport. I have a lot of shit with me." 

"Oh good," said Chris, looking at JC's bags. "You brought laundry. I can do that for you today." 

JC chuckled a little. "It's okay. My laundry can wait for a little bit." He looked at the laundry basket that was overflowing with red and gold. "Are those the living room curtains?" 

"Yeah," said Chris a little sheepishly. "I ran out of things to wash and I figured what the hell, might as well do some fall cleaning. I did all the sheets in the house this morning." 

"Those are silk..." JC trailed off. 

"Actually they are a silk-polyester blend because we both are too cheap to actually buy real silk," Chris reminded him. "And it's okay. I know how to wash them. Trust me. They'll look great." 

"I can iron them," said JC. "Have we ever washed our curtains?" 

Chris laughed. "I don't think so. We probably should do the rest of the house too, you know." 

"Just look what you started," said JC, moving closer to Chris. He put an arm around Chris's waist. "Now we have more housework to do." 

"We're not very busy right now," Chris rested his head on JC's shoulder, sniffing slightly. JC smelled the same, all warm and sweet and JC-like. "We can do it." 

"So the past four months, I've done a lot of thinking," JC brushed his fingertips against Chris's side. "About you, about me. About us." 

"What did you decide?" Chris tried to hold his breath but his heart was pounding too much. Blood was rushing in his ears, so reminiscent of the day JC broke up with him. 

"I know where I am supposed to be," said JC softly. "I'm supposed to be here with you. So, will you take me back?" 

Chris turned his head, taking JC's face in his hands and kissing him slowly and deeply. When he finally pulled back, he pinched JC's bicep hard. 

"That is the stupidest fucking question ever. Will I take you back?" Chris shook his head. "Of course I'll take you back. I've only been waiting for you to come home since the day you left." 

JC rubbed his bicep. "Somehow I knew that would be your answer. Except I didn't count on the pinching." He grinned wide, his curls bouncing as he shook his head. "Kiss me again, you fucker." 

Chris had always been a good listener even if he didn't always seem that way so he listened. 

JC sighed happily and put his hands on the back of Chris's neck. It was good to be home.   
  
---  
  
[End](http://www.because-yes.com/rachel/epics/between/end.html)


End file.
